I hate you hemmings ➳ l.h

18

Songs of the chapter-

Amnesia - 5 Seconds Of Summer

Luke's POV

I miss her.

I'm the stupidest man on earth.

To let a girl such as Clarissa go was the worst mistake of my life. I never should've slept with Trinity, and I don't know why I did. I guess I didn't want to be tied down. I've never been tied down before, and I'm not used to it. It's all new to me, and I made a mistake. I've now learned from it, and I will never do it again. I miss seeing her face everyday, hearing her voice, and seeing her smile. Hearing her laugh. Her laugh was the most beautiful sound. It was so contagious, I couldn't help but smile or laugh every time she did. Almost all the guys at our university would do anything to have her be theirs, and she was mine. Out of all the guys she could've had, she chose me. I stupidly blew it. Now I just want her back. I'd do anything to have her be mine again. I truly do love her. I love her more than I've ever loved anything or anyone. My love for her is stronger than anything I've ever felt.

I know she'll probably be moving dorms soon. I can't help but be nervous for where she's staying. Who's she staying with? Is it a guy? Does she have a new boyfriend? Am I the only one heartbroken? It seems that way, as she posted a picture of herself this morning. She didn't look miserable at all. It showed how strong she was, however. Most of the likes on it came from guys, aswell. I don't think she knows they want her, but they all do. Now she's out there with someone else.

Hopefully she's just staying with Lola, right? Or one of her other popular friends. She hasn't even spoken to most of the guys at our school. I'm worrying too much.

My eyes shot up to the door as I heard someone fiddling with the door handle. Clarissa suddenly appeared in the doorway.

I couldn't help but stare, she was gorgeous. She didn't look miserable at all. She looked happy, even? This is my oprrotuinity to talk to her, win her back, yet nothing comes out of my mouth.

She just looks away, and walks over to her things. She starts packing them up into the bags she brought them in, as quick as she can. She really wants to get away from me.

"Hey." I smiled lightly. Her eyes shot up to mine, glaring at me.

"It'd be better if you wouldn't talk." She spoke. She's always been stubborn. One of the many things I love about her.

Hearing her voice was like angels. Even if she wasn't saying the words I wanted to hear, I didn't care. Her voice was beautiful and to hear it again made my heart leap out of my chest.

"Can I just explain myself, please?" I ask, hope in my eyes. She turns to me again, her arms folded across her chest. She plops down on the bed, sitting on the edge.

"One minute. Then you will stop speaking to me." She commanded. I nodded.

I somehow have to explain all my feelings in one minute, but I'll try. For her.

"I love you so much, Clarissa. I never meant to hurt you. I'm not used to this whole 'tied down to one girl' concept. Calum was telling me how I was whipped, and I hated the idea of it. The old Luke came piercing out, the one who cared about his reputation. I saw a girl, and I just kind of went for the opportunity to prove to Calum I wasn't whipped, and that I was my own man. That was the worst mistake of my life. One of them, atleast. I understand if you don't forgive me, I can't even seem to forgive myself. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me, because of my stupid ego. I love you more than I've ever loved anything, and I want you to know that. I will continue missing you and regretting it my whole life, Clarissa winters. I hope you understand that." I breathe out.

She looks down for a minute, taking in everything I've just said. Her eyebrows are knitted together as she thinks of something to say back. I silently pray to myself that she's thinking of forgiving me. Everything I've said was 100% true, I hope she knows that.

"I believe you Luke. I really do. I just don't know if I want to be with somebody who will keep making these mistakes that hurt me," She answered, and all hope dissolved from my eyes. My face turned pale, and I couldn't come up with what to possibly say next.

"Please, Clarissa. I'm not myself without you. I need you." I plead, staring into her eyes. She just shakes her head, quickly tearing her eyes from mine. I fell to my knees, burying my face in my hands. I silently sobbed into my hands, hoping she can't hear. I hear the door shut, and that's when I'm aware that it's all over. Clarissa is gone. I had her in the palm of my hand, and I dropped her. Loosing her, and myself.

**

Clarissa's POV

Luke's words didn't fail to shatter my heart. He's truly hurt, but I just don't know how many chances I can give out anymore. I love him with all my heart, yes, but he keeps making these mistakes left and right that hurt me too much. I can't handle more heartbreak, I might aswell end it before I fall hard.

After all, everything that falls breaks, right?

I think at this point I'm broken enough.

Love isn't something I'm wanting anymore, honestly. It's going to be forever, or it's going to be heartbreak. Most of the time it's heartbreak, considering its hard to find a forever. I can't handle anymore heartbreak at this point.

I'll kiss Calum and all, but I will not fall in love with him. Or anyone for that matter. I will date, have romantic interests, but I will not fall for anyone. Ever. It's too dangerous, I know it is.

I drag my bags behind me, making my way up to the administration office. I prepare myself to find out my new dorm room number. I hope they don't put me with some idiot guy. Or some perky girl. This person obviously doesn't have a roommate for a reason, right? It probably isn't a reason I want to find out.

My face pales as she tells me the number of Calum's dorm. I remember him not having a roommate, yes, but he said t was because they were out of town.

I don't exactly want to live with Calum. He's cool and all, but Luke will most definitely be showing up at Calum's dorm sometime in the future, and I don't want to face him. I know it shouldn't be awkward, but it just is. We both still love eachother, and I don't know if that will ever stop. It will always be awkward.

I grab the key from the lady's hands, and make my way over to Calum's- my dorm, still dragging my bags along.

I stop in front of the door, turning the key into the lock.

My eyes go wide.

Luke's sitting there with Calum.

___

She's kinda hot came out to day, and I absolutely love it! I can't wait for the next album to come out.

Hope you're enjoying the story loves!

july 17th, 2015, 7:02 pm

-b