It was all a lie

Chapter 5

Aurora
Cole.
My Cole.
No not my, he was never mine. And he couldn't have been clearer about not liking me. No, he didn't even tell me himself. He sent his friend, his stupid friend, to tell me that. I mean who does that?
After that I never loved somebody again because what good would it do? If you love, you will just get disappointed and heartbroken. I told myself that I didn't love him, but now he is standing in front of me and I can't deny that there aren't some feelings left.
No, no no no.
There are no feelings left. The only thing that is left is hatred. And I must remember that at all times.
Shit, I need to say something and I especially need to stop looking at him.
As if sensing my inner struggle, he started to smirk and oh god, that smirk it got me every fucking time. His smirk was just enchanting and it made his dimples pop out. I mean how much more attractive could this guy get. I always thought that he was handsome, but now he is straight up beautiful.
And know I got lost in my mind again. Shit.
Fucking shit.
What can I say anyway? ‚Hey, cool to see you again' or even better ‚Hey, you broke my heart and didn't even do it yourself, but no hard feelings'.
Luckily I was saved by a nock at the door. I scramble up from the couch, happy to be a little closer to his height. I am not a small person with my 5,7 foot but still he towers over me.
No human has the right to be this handsome and this big.
When I open the door, I am happy to see my best friend. On instinct I hug him tight. He is a little surprised by my hug or by the boy in my room so it takes him a little longer to react than normal. But as soon as he gets his bearings back, he hugs me back.
As soon as I let go of him though his eyes wander back up to Cole. I see the question in his eyes as they lock with mine. „Aiden, this is Cole. Apparently he is my roommate because this stupid school mixed something up and now there are no free rooms."
His eyes widen in shock. „The Cole? The boy who went to the same school as us, the same boy you", he couldn't say more because I threw my hand over his mouth. „Well that is considered really rude love. You can't just shut your boyfriend up like that. He just wanted to say something." „ What the fuck, who gave you permission to speak. I was just talking to my friend and you weren't included in the conversation. That is considered rude. You can't just join a conversation like that." Why the fuck couldn't I have let him think that me and Aiden are together. It would have made things so much easier if he thought that I have a boyfriend.
„Well, you were talking about me and if you say that I wasn't welcome to join a conversation about myself, then I must assume that you were saying rude stuff about me and to make things even worse, you were saying them behind my back. I think, that this is considers even ruder than to join a conversation about yourself. Am I right love?"
Argh.
I hate to admit it but he has got a point. Why does he have to be right?
I absolutely hate that he is right.
And what is up with the nickname? I mean love? Is he Aaron Warner or what?
Suddenly someone clears their throat. Oh shit, I got to carried away in our argument that I totally forgot that Aiden was here too. „ So I guess that this just answered my question. I guess I'm gonna go now. I just wanted to check on you."
Why did he look so sad when he turned around? No, he didn't just look sad he looked kind of heartbroken. Maybe I was just reading to much into it right now. But still, he looked kind of sad. That is why I ask him if everything is okay just as he is about to close the door. He said yes, but it sounded a little strained. Before I could push a little more, he had already closed the door and left me alone with Cole again.
„So you talk about me love? I feel honoured." Of course he must think that now. After the way that Aiden said his name like that it really sounded like I talked a lot about it. Thank you very much Aiden.
„Of corse I don't talk about you. Wouldn't want to waste my time talking about shit like you." „Well, the way your not-boyfriend said it, it sounded like you did. Don't you think that he seemed pretty jealous. So what have you been saying about me." „As I said, I didn't say anything about you.", I say very slowly so that his small brain can understand it.
„Ah ah ah love, didn't we just agree that it is considers rude to talk about someone without them knowing and it is also considered rude to lie someone in the face."
„Well, I am sure you talked about a lot of people without them knowing too."
„Ah well, now I got you. You just admitted that you talked about me." Shit I did. How could this happen? I've never lost an argument, but with him I have now lost two in a row. „I did not.", I replied blushing, knowing that I so just admit talking about him.
„You don't have to be ashamed love. If somebody is as attractive as me,it is no wonder that people talk."
„Urg you're so full of yourself. Has anybody ever told you that?"
„No nobody has told me that yet. I guess you are the first. Isn't it nice to be the first in something?"
He hit a nerve with that. I always hated to not be first. It didn't matter in what. If in test or as a choice. I was never the first choice for anybody except for maybe Aiden. He is the only one who likes me for me and not just for some version of me that I slip in as soon as I see him. That is why I love to be around him. I can just be me. And Cole saying this triggers memories. Memories I tried to push away.
And as the first memory came, it didn't take long for more to come. It is like every wall I built crumbled as soon as the first memory pushed through.
More memories came
And more
I couldn't take it anymore.
It is all too much and I collapse on the floor.
Shit I think my memories trigger a panic attack. I had two panic attacks growing up and both times Aiden was there to support me.
But now, now there is nobody who could help. The only person near is Cole and I strongly suspect that he won't do anything.
And now there was already creeping black in on the outsides of my vision and I feel a stabbing pain in my chest.
The last thing I see before everything goes black is Cole's face.
Am I hallucinating or does he look worried.
No I must be hallucinating.
Then everything goes dark and I fall...

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