touch.

i cannot find the words

no one ever told me exactly how much it would hurt

and no, it wasn't a pain comparable to the pain

of anger and blood and guilt, of achingly open wounds

just the ghost of a person, standing in front of you,

reminding you

you'll never have what you had again

i know, it's pure selfishness:

i shall miss the feeling of your skin on mine

perhaps forever, but isn't that what i told myself

when it was someone else who broke me?

love is what you taught me, you taught me

i was worth loving

but when

when will i hear your name and not let it hurt

when i can speak to you without wishing that

your arms were around me

and one day, when you find her

i am only tearing myself apart.

when you speak of her with shining eyes

i can only remember when you, too, looked at me that way

like i could lift the mountains for you

(and i would, in a heartbeat)

the pain hits me from time to time

almost constant

a jolt from the past

words you said

the way you held me

how your lips felt against mine

and perhaps then you will forget me

but when will i forget you