Luminescence (Euphoria, Rue x OC)

Chapter 9

Periodic disclaimer: I don't own EuphoriaHBO, I own only my original characters and scenes/plot

Content/trigger warnings: Mentions/descriptions of chronic illness/pain, addiction, nudes, mental health struggles, past death of a parental figure 

Aurelia blinked heavy eyelids up at the ceiling of her bedroom, not at all looking forward to the day ahead. It wasn't that she expected anything particularly bad to happen; she didn't have any tests or presentations to do, or anything like that. It was just that...she was tired. Every day for the past week she'd woken up with progressively stiffer fingers that took longer and longer to loosen up, and according to her spine, sitting through an hour and a half of class could now be classified as a form of physical torture.

And socially... Well, things had been sort of weird. Rue had been staying clean, which was great. It was pretty amazing, actually, to see the tall woman striding around looking like she belonged on the cover of some sort of cool skater magazine. If Aurelia had thought Rue was glowing before, just from being around Jules, then she was positively radiant now. It was kind of beautiful to see. Rue was kind of beautiful to see. Well, she had been beautiful before but now Aurelia was finding it much more difficult to keep denying the fact that she might have a teeny tiny crush. Even she couldn't deny the way her heart sped up whenever she caught a glimpse of Rue's wild curls or the way the air seemed to be sucked from her lungs whenever Rue smiled that mischievous smile of hers. Also, Jules' joke about Aurelia having a gay obsession with Rue's hands might have actually been sort of accurate.

But it really wasn't a great time to lose the grasp on her denial because since Rue had stopped using, she and Jules had been spending more and more time together, and less time with Aurelia. And that hurt, even though she wished she could just be happy for her friends. So maybe it was a good time to lose the denial. Maybe she could use this separation to get over her crush. Because there was really no point in feeling this way, not when she knew that Rue didn't feel the same way and probably never would. Really, Aurelia still couldn't believe sometimes that someone as cool as Rue even wanted to be her friend.

Anyway, since Jules and Rue had been doing their own thing more and more, things had gotten a bit lonely for Aurelia. It wasn't like they completely stopped hanging out with her, but honestly, sometimes she felt more alienated when they were together than when they were apart. If she had felt like a third wheel before, now she felt like she wasn't even part of the vehicle. Like maybe she wasn't even automobile-adjacent.

That unnamed thing that separated her from everyone else had started growing again and she had sat back and let it, feeling powerless to stop it. Until one day, she'd dragged herself into the library and had found Kat and Lexi sitting at the table that had quickly become her go-to place to study on campus. Not only had they remembered her from that one party, but they'd actually invited her to join them. Something which she'd found perplexing, honestly. She didn't really understand what about their very brief interaction at the party might have led them to want to spend more time with her.

Regardless, Aurelia hadn't been about to turn down an opportunity to close the gap between herself and the rest of the world; an opportunity to tamp down the wild tangle of loneliness and heartache and the creeping dread that maybe she was just destined to always be on the periphery. And even though she had been exhausted after spending a few hours studying with Kat and Lexi, from being mentally alert enough to pass as somewhat socially competent, it had been a good thing. Because now she was pretty sure she could say she had friends outside of Rue and Jules.

She was still sort of intimidated by Kat and Lexi, for different reasons, but to be fair, she was kind of intimidated by most people. Kat could come across as sharp-tongued and sometimes gave off an air of superiority, but she actually seemed to be really supportive of her friends. Meanwhile, Lexi came across as more quiet and reserved until she started talking about theatre or film or politics. Then she could be pretty intense. But Aurelia was coming to really like being around them despite being intimidated by them at times. It was fun to have deep discussions with people who were passionate. And when they weren't having deep discussions, it was easy to just study together or watch a film.