Double Jeopardy (SVU Fanfic)

5. Coupling

"She's not gonna leave you, Liv," Elliot whispers into my hair. "You're always gonna have her."

"She's gonna be 15. Just yesterday she was 6. She asked me why I was crying and I lied to her. I told her nothing but Cragen just told me you put your papers in. I slammed the door in her 6 year old face and she tucked herself in that night. Why was I so terrible-"

"Liv," he interrupts.

I interrupt back. "She was just a baby. She still is a baby. She's gonna be in college before I know it. She'll move as far away as possible because she hates me that much! I deserve it, I guess."

"Olivia, stop-"

"Revenge for all those nights I stayed late at the precinct and asked Amanda to watch her when she only wanted me! Those times I couldn't go to her school events because of work. The nights I left her home alone all night. I made her constantly wonder if she'd see me that night or the squad telling her I died. I-"

"Olivia Benson."

I don't have anything left to say, so I stop interrupting him.

"Stop beating yourself up. Now." His voice is so stern. "Eliana loves you more than anybody. You're the only family she has. She doesn't know her father. She doesn't have brothers or sisters. Even if she has best friends like sisters or the squad is her "parents", in the back of her mind, you are her only family."

Is this supposed to make me feel better? We only have each other? I think it but don't say it.

"And yeah, she's gonna have a boyfriend. Multiple. Who's gonna be there when her heart is broken? Yes, she might get into a great college on the other side of the country. Who's she gonna tell first? Who's gonna be the first to know when she gets engaged? Who's walking her down the aisle? Who took care of her when she was sick? Wh-"

"The squad. When she got chicken pox, I was undercover. Nick took care of her. When she got the flu I'd have Don go over and check on her. I-"

"Why do you get up everyday for work, then?" he asks.

"For Ellie," I say simply, standing right in front of him. He fixes a piece of my hair.

"You work so hard for your daughter. She knows that. She doesn't hate you or think that you hate her. She's not going to abandon you."

"Why does it feel like she is?"

"Because you're stubborn. So is she. You want her to be under your care forever. She's as independent as you are and wants to do everything herself. But she can't."

I nod, still able to feel the tears that have dried on my face.

"Come on. Let's not be upset, okay?" he asks.

"Whatever," I whisper.

*Ellie's POV*

"It's really fine, Mrs.Beckman," I say.

"Leslie," she says with a smirk. "Still, keep the foot elevated."

I suppress an eye roll and place my boot on the pillow as she requests.

"Well, I'll leave you two alone," she says.

"She's really nice," I say.

"Eh, she's alright," Logan tells me. I laugh. Then he asks, "how'd you get out of the house?"

"Got in a fight with my mom but Elliot let me out."

"He seems cool," Logan comments.

I nod. "He is. I think he'll be good for my mom too."