in twilight; in the dead of night

iv. to carry on

"A-Xian..."

"Shijie!" Wei Wuxian cried when Jiang Yanli finally woke.

He'd returned to the inn he'd left her at and squared his shoulders, drying his cheeks as he struggled to come up with an excuse -- anything to lessen the blow. No matter how he tried to word what had happened and admit to his failure of a promise broken, Jiang Yanli grieved and fainted in his arms. Now they were in Yiling under Wen Qing and Wen Ning's protection, for how long he had no idea. He'd only hoped they would remain safely hidden in the tiger's den while recovering before having to leave again, although he supposed taking refuge in the Yiling Supervisory Office was as safe as one could get when all the inland roads were closely monitored by the Qishan Wen, according to Wen Ning.

Jiang Yanli stared blankly at him for a moment, gradually waking from the trance-like state she'd been in. It didn't take long for the clouds to disperse. Wei Wuxian knew the exact moment she remembered what happened. He saw the exact moment the memories rushed back to her in wave upon wave until the dams burst and she reached forward, toward him, and for a split second, he was reminded of Yu Ziyuan -- the rage, the fear, the boldness, and grace in her movement as she moved to strike him. But Jiang Yanli was not Yu Ziyuan. She was not her mother.

Wei Wuxian froze on the floor by the bed and Jiang Yanli wrapped her arms around him, pulling him impossibly closer than all the hugs they'd ever shared since childhood. Her body trembled as she hiccupped and sniffed, so unlike the refined young lady of Yunmeng Jiang. "A-Xian," she wailed, pulling them apart. Her eyes glistened with fat tears, her nose reddened, and her lips wobbled. Younger Wei Wuxian would have poked fun at the strange expression she was making if he saw her like this. "A-Xian, it's not true. Tell me it's not true."

"Shijie... I'm-"

"It couldn't be true!" She wept, forgoing decorum, her fingers dug into his arms as if she feared losing him too. "A-Xian, what if he's lonely? If he's hurt, if he's in pain, would anyone help him? What if he escaped and he's alone? You know how he is, he's never been by himself since he was a child. We've always stood by him. How would he-"

He couldn't stand listening to her hysterical rambling. He couldn't handle any more guilt. If there even was a possibility that Jiang Cheng survived at all... Fuck, he was so tired. "Shijie, I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for not protecting him better. I should have been with him or brought him with me. I didn't know the Wen soldiers were that close to me, and I," he sniffed, avoiding her eyes while rubbing her shoulders that trembled as more silent tears rolled down her cheek. "I didn't think he would-"

Small hands covered his face. Shocked, he glanced up and bit his lip when she gave him a watery smile and a choked laugh. He never wanted to hear her sadness again. Wei Wuxian never wanted his shijie with that expression ever again.

"I always knew you boys would get yourselves in trouble, but you'd always come back stronger than ever because you've always had each other's back. A-Xian," she wiped his tears away and smiled, brighter this time. "Now he needs us, both of us. We need to be strong for him. Right? When- what would he say when he comes back and sees us in a mess?"

He didn't know how his shijie could be so optimistic when moments before she had been worried to death. Was that how she coped? Allowed herself a few times a day to feel her emotions, to let it all out instead of overwhelming herself, before returning to the gentle, smiling young woman he'd grown up admiring and adoring. Was that her secret to remaining as composed and dignified as she had been known as Yunmeng Jiang's lotus?

He nodded dumbly, clutching their joined hands as he bowed his head in acceptance and defeat. He failed once, he would not -- could not -- repeat the same mistake twice. He lifted his head and allowed himself to be pulled into another embrace, his face stuffed in the crook of Jiang Yanli's neck. If she could be hopeful that the three of them would reunite, he too had to be hopeful and not wallow in self-pity. When his shidi came back, they would be known across the cultivation world as the Twin Prides of Yunmeng. Jiang Yanli would stand beside them as she's always been, their elder sister. His duty now was to ensure his shijie's safety and to plan for his next steps. An inevitable war was brewing on the horizon, and sure enough, something the world had never witnessed before was coming too. He had to prepare, he had to hope.

Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian were able to spend a week hidden away under Wen Qing's protection. Although as a precaution, the two Lotus Pier Massacre survivors were confined within one section of the Supervisory Office towards the back which only Wen Qing and Wen Ning had unrestricted access to.

Within the first three days, Jiang Yanli had recovered her strength and had gotten along with Wen Ning whose quiet but curious nature reminded her of her missing brother when he was much younger. The semblance brought a sharp ache to her heart but she reminded herself that as long as there was no proof, Jiang Cheng was alive. Likely injured and in hiding but alive. It was a mantra that kept her going each day as Wen Qing taught her medicinal herbs that could be found in Yiling and the surrounding regions and their uses when she had spare time, some of which she had learnt when she still studied with her brother.

In the rare times when the conversation between them flowed easily, they gossiped about their younger brothers and the hardships and responsibilities that came with being elder sisters. It was something they could easily relate to, something to get off their chest when they knew the other woman would understand; it was also one of the few times they could pretend they were back in Cloud Recesses, back when they were students from different sects and could converse freely without worrying about the war approaching them with each passing day. It was how they escaped from the reality that the main Wen family line had completely decimated the Jiangs, that there was no bad blood between them because no matter how Jiang Yanli tried to hate, to resent the young woman across from her whose eyes sparked with pride when she talked about Wen Ning or how dedicated she was about helping save people's lives as a skilled doctor, she couldn't hate Wen Qing entirely.

Did she perhaps have a hand in her family's destruction? Possibly. Would she do the same if the lives of her family were threatened? Jiang Yanli wasn't hypocritical enough to say she wouldn't do the same. Even if her family and ancestors shamed her for complying with the enemy, if she could stay with her family one more day, she would do it again. So, while a part of her was enraged by the choices Wen Qing made, she understood her reasons. It was a bitter pill to swallow.

Sensing a pair of eyes upon her, Wen Qing looked up from the herbs they were crushing in the mortar and pestle. There was a look of understanding there, perhaps undeserving, directed towards her. Jiang Yanli smiled and resumed her task as if nothing happened. For how long could this peace between them remain? Wen Qing glanced down at the herbs she was crushing and wondered, had things been different if her growing friendship with Jiang Yanli could be more unguarded and unburdened -- like how friendships she'd seen develop between other maidens in other sects and between the common people. Could she also have that in another life?

Jiang Yanli caught her eyes when she glanced up, and this time, the space between them hadn't seemed so tense as it had been.

It was time to say goodbye with the arrival of Song Lan and the news of the Qinghe Nie Sect gathering forces against Wen Ruohan's tyranny.

"A-Xian-"

"Shijie, everything will be all right. Trust your A-Xian."

Jiang Yanli sighed, shaking her head before hugging her didi -- Wei Wuxian hugged back just as tight, his chin resting on her shoulder. Neither of them knew when they would see each other again. Neither wanted to be apart from the other but they each had responsibilities and tasks to do. Wei Wuxian was to travel to the Nie Sect and volunteer to participate in the war, and Jiang Yanli was to travel to Lanling Jin accompanied by Song Lan for both her safety and as a representative of the Jiang Sect. This time she knew what role she had to play. She couldn't always depend on her younger brothers to protect her all the time. They depended on her too.

They reluctantly stepped apart, a small, comforting smile adorning their faces. Jiang Yanli turned towards Wen Ning and smiled when they each bowed farewell. When Wen Qing started to bow as well, she stopped her and grasped her hands. Stunned, Wen Qing gave her a questioning look. "Between friends, there is no need to bow," she said gently.

"Thank you for everything. If there comes a time when you need help, Yunmeng Jiang will come to your aid."

Quickly regaining her composure, Wen Qing smiled softly, thankful for the generous offer and apologised for her inability to help further. "May the road you travel on be free from danger and hardships."

Their hands fell away, and Jiang Yanli boarded the wagon. Wei Wuxian andthe Wen siblings stayed by the back door of the Yiling Supervisory Office untilthe small figures disappeared over the horizon as the sun breached the morningclouds. It was time.