3 1/2 Harpers

Pilot: Part 1

{A/N: Photo above is AI-generated and what Elizabeth looks like}

Elizabeth's POV:

I slept peacefully until a few minutes ago when Charlie barged into my room to tell me Alan had just shown up. I asked why that couldn't wait until morning, and his response was this: 'If I have to deal with him, so do you'. So, here we are. Charlie & I sit side-by-side on the couch as Alan vents while pacing back and forth before us.

Alan: "Twelve years, and she just throws me out. I mean, what was the point of our wedding vows? 'Till death do us part'. Who died? Not me, not her."

Charlie: "How did you get in our house?"

Alan: "Ok, Charlie, the key in the fake rock only works if it's among other rocks. Not sitting on your welcome mat."

Charlie: "Excuse me, but if you put the fake rock in with a bunch of other fake rocks, it's impossible to find when you're drunk."

Alan: "You know, I'm a good husband. I'm faithful."

Me: "Is she?"

Alan: "Is she what?"

Me: "Faithful."

Alan: *scoffs* "Don't be ridiculous. I mean, Judith doesn't even like sex. I mean, all she kept saying was she feels suffocated. You know, she kept going on and on. 'I'm suffocating. I'm suffocating'. What does that mean? Has a woman or man ever said that to you?"

Charlie: "Well, yeah."

Me: "But not a woman or man who doesn't like sex."

Alan: "And Jake. This could just destroy Jake."

Charlie: "Jake?"

Alan: "My son."

Me: "The kid whose birthday card 'you' and I sign each year."

Charlie: "Oh, yeah, teenagers are pretty sophisticated these days."

Alan: "He's 10."

Then, Charlie's date walks down the stairs.

Woman: "Charlie, I'm going to go."

Charlie: "Oh, no."

Woman: "You three need to talk. I'll call you tomorrow.-*to Alan*-I'm so sorry to hear about you and your wife.-*to me*-Liz, it was nice meeting you."

Charlie: "Oh, come on. You leaving isn't gonna bring them back together again."

And yet, she walks out the door.

Alan: "Look, ok, this is just until things settle out. A couple of days max. She will come to her senses."

Charlie: "Yeah, that's what women do."

Me: "Look, Al, you can have the guest room. I'll grab some sheets."

Alan: "Oh, that's ok. I brought my own."

Charlie: "You brought your own sheets?"

Alan: "I like my sheets."

Me: "Ok, then, goodnight."

Alan: "No, no, wait, wait. Guys, I mean, we hardly ever talk to one another."

Charlie: *sighs* "What do you wanna talk about, Alan?"