Dialogues

sick and tired

*reminder: Gyu is ( _ ) and Jun is ( + )

_Have you ever cried with no tears?

+How..

_Like you sob.. push your head deep into the pillow.. and feel your head get heavy by the pressure, but when you come up, your face is dry..

+It hasn't happened to me.. but besides that, I don't remember the last time I cried.. .

_Well for me it was today.

+Whyyy.. what happened

_I was sad

+Why..

_I guess the easiest emotion to have is sadness and when you're sad, everything can be overwhelming.. but well, it did have several reasons.. things that happened lately.

+Hmm.. Yeah.. and then it's like the slightest of things are able to make you go mad.

_Exactly!!.. Exactlyyy...

How could I live without you .. really.

+I'm not doing anything tho..

_You are, idiot. You don't understand.

+Ok ok. Well now that you're being so grateful, I might as well be generous and offer cuddles

Said Yeonjun patting the place beside himself on the bed with a warm smile.

_Yesss. Weeeee

He jumped on the bed where Yeonjun was sitting, then landed his body on him and wrapped his hands around the older boy's waist hugging him while resting his head on his thighs.

Yeonjun put his hand on Beomgyu's head and unconsciously started softly rubbing the scalp

_Oh, wait.. you'll catch my cold

He said suddenly coming up trying to get away from the elder.

+Nah.. I won't. Come back.

He said pulling the boy back on his laps.

Beomgyu smiled, then purred like a cat and made himself comfortable and nuzzled deeper rubbing his head on Yeonjun's tummy..

+Now tell me.. what made you cry today pretty?

_Hmm.. doesn't matter.. Let's deal with it later.

+Anything you want;.. but you sure it doesn't matter?

_Well.. .umm..
..
I can't hide anything from you anyway..

Yeonjun smiled without looking down and continued the soft motion of his hands on the boys head, waiting for him to continue.

_I .. felt so sad.. So sick of being so weak all the time..

+Hey...What made you think_

_Let's be honest Jun.. I can count the days I haven't been sick for the past 2 years with my fingers ..

+You're anything but weak my boy
need me to remind you some things you might've forgotten? ..

_No.. I'm.. I don't know .. I'm just.. really tired
I've tried so hard .. and still I am exactly what and how I don't want to be.. I'm tired.. I've tried.. I swear I did..I_

+Hey..I know
Who else knows better than me, ha?

_No one .. Just you and myself..

He said quietly, something filling his throat and making it hard to breathe.

+You know me, right? I don't just say stuff and give false hope.
I've already seen so much as a proof for why I believe in you. And I'm sure I'll still see..But you know you don't need to be perfect all the time, right?

He asked caressing the younger's cheek with his thumb, and moving his gaze down on the lying figure, looking at him with expectant eyes.

_But Yeonjun.. I don't want to be perfect.. Fuck perfection, I want to breathe like others do.. I want to fucking go out in cold like a normal person and not get sick for once.. My body's like it's made of cheap plastic or something ..I fucking tried .. What else on earth do I need to do to make it right.. I'm tired Jun..So tired

He said, his voice getting louder but weaker with each word and his breath hitching and being stuck in his throat.

_And here goes my lungs not even doing their own job properly..

He said with anger.. grabbing the bed sheet with his fists.

Yeonjun sat him down and guided him to take large inhales ..

He calmed down a bit but still had to stiffen up so hard to keep himself from breaking down and his face was getting red with the glistening eyes.. all showing the frustration he was keeping in.

Yeonjun pulled the boy's head down on his shoulder and held it from behind with hand moving in between his hair locks carressing the head with utmost care.

+I know..

I know...

You'll be ok.. I promise.

You're just so..fucking tired right now.

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