HIS POV
She had been here almost three months and I still didn't know her name. It is worse then, when you have to guess. Because when you get the real name, you've already named them and makes their real name sound wrong.
I have seen her a lot the last three months, falling madly in love with her for every second of it. Damn her! I slam my fists in the table, forgetting I'm not alone. James and Kent look up, worry in their eyes. I stand up, clenching my jaw as I fill my cup with some more coffee. I do the mistake and drink it all in one breath, making me swear of pain of the warm drink. "Jaxxon? You, okay?" James asks, coming from behind. Putting my cup down I nod, walking out of there. "Where the hell are you going? You have a class in five minutes!" Kent shouts after me. I ignore him, like I ignore everyone else, storming out of the school and into my car, slamming the door after me. I hit the wheel repeatedly, my anger slowly fading away. It's not her fault. I slam my fist against the wheel one last time. The first thing I think of, in every condition / moment is her. She has inflicted my life. Turned it upside down. Parasite. I think with disgust. I can't look my wife in my eyes anymore. Because of her.
But still....it's not her fault. She didn't choose to come here and make me fall for her. No, I am just putting the blame on her because it's so much easier. I let out a big sigh and rest my head on the wheel. I can't go home tonight. No, not if she is all I can think of. I need to clear my head before I met my wife and kids again.
Inside again, I write in the literature classroom, telling the class they can work on home this lecture. Then I seek up Kent. I find him in the staff room. "Hi man, you mind if I crash at your place tonight?" He looks up, surprise flicking in his eyes. "No, why? Have you had a fight with Victoria?" I cringe at the mention of my wife's name. "What? No." Kent watch me for a few seconds before he says, "Then why not sleep at home?" and turning to look at his computer. "Because...." I have feelings for a student I don't even teach and only see in the corridors, which I have never spoken to and I can't look my wife in the eyes anymore, hearing her say 'I love you' so casually to me. "Bad day. Yes or no?" He sighs, watching me with tired eyes. "I want a proper answer later, you know that?" I swallow, not ready to confess yet. "Yeah." I say, begging him with my eyes. Not tonight. My eyes say. I can't do it tonight. And he gets it. Which is the reason why I asked him and not James or Connor, they would just have questioned it. Kent understands me on another level. But I guess he understands everyone on another levels. That just who he is. Might have to do a lot with him being a psychology teacher and one of my friends, though.
"Thank you." I say before filling my cup with coffee and sitting down, working on my computer, showing him how much I really appreciate it. Because I do. I really do.
* * *
Before leaving school, I text Veronica I will crash at Kent's, getting her the excuse that 'it has been a long day and can't stand to drive so long'. She writes an 'okay' with a heart, which is heartbreaking to read.
"So, going to tell me what happened?" Kent asks after we finished eating. I look down, shame filling me now instead of the amazingly good food. "Why are you ashamed? Have you cheated?"
"Jesus." I stand up, making the chair fall to the floor. "That is your first thought!?" Kent doesn't flinch, just continue staring at me with a blank face. "You are too ashamed of talking about it. You have been angry with yourself all day and you storm to stand up when I mention you might cheat on your wife. What would I believe?" It's makes sense, that he sees it that way. "No." I say, but it is hard to say it, even though I haven't. "I haven't slept with someone else." But then why is it an effort to say it? It should be as easy as to breath, but it isn't. And I hate it. I HAVEN'T! I want to scream, but I know exactly how it will make me look as.
"I didn't say that." He says, with a softer voice. "But it feels like it? Like you cheated on your wife?" I close my eyes, the pain filling me. "I haven't..." I start but he interrupts me with saying, "I know. But that's not the same as cheating." I swallow, ready to break at any moment. I sit down again, scared that my legs will give up. "Sleeping with another person is one example. Not the definition." He lectures me. "I know." I growl through my clenched jaw. "And kissing is one. The definition" He continue, ignoring my bad mood. "Is falling out of the person you are married to. To love someone else." I nod, just wanting to escape this conversation. It feels like being 14 again. "So do you?" His question surprise me because I have tried to ignore his words as much as possible, the last seconds. "What?"
"Do you love her?"
"Who?" Which one of them?
"If you need to ask that, the answer is no." He doesn't look at me with anger, it's more like....disappointment, maybe. He turns his back to me, taking the dish to clean it. "I..." I drag my hand through the only hair I have; my beard. "Kent...." I plead. I don't know what I am pleading for. Forgiveness maybe. Or an explaining. Yeah, I get it. I basically cheated on my wife, but it's not like I chose to do it. To fall in love with a student.
"What do you want me to do?" I drag my hand once more through my beard, begging for an answer. "What I want you to do? Really, Jaxxon?" He turns around, his expression more angrier now. That is at least a feeling I can read. "Yeah. I fucked up, okay. But it's not like I am sneaking around with her all around the...." Fucking shit. He...I didn't say who it was.
"Sneak around? Why would you sneak around with this girl?" He asks and his eyes narrow, trying to see the things I don't tell him and the lies I will tell him. "You have a nanny?" It isn't a question really, and I realize the next questions wont be just questions. They will tell him if I lie or not and what really is going on. "No." I say, which, sadly, is easier to say than denying that I cheated on my wife. "When did you meet the girl?" We stare at each other and keeps doing it as I say, "a few months ago." He hums, like it tells him a lot. "Where?" I stare harder, but not chasing the tone in my eyes. "I can't tell you that." He raises his brows, questioning me. But I also know that everything that happens now is a mind game. Fuck, I should have chosen Connor or James. They would never have done this to me. "So, she must be amazing, and you must really love her." He says, his words surprising me, but not really. I know Kent. "If you would divorce with your wife for a girl, you just met a few months ago. Risking the stability life of your kids." I growled, stepping closer to him. "That is too low, Archer." He doesn't flinch. Doesn't do anything less than staring at me. "Have you even done that, your coward?!" His sudden change of tone does surprise me. Kent Archer is known for his blank and controlled face, but not losing his shit. "How does this affect you?!" I yell back, stepping closer him. "It affects us all! And I am pretty sure she is a minor!" I stop, my whole body freezing. I need to act like he wasn't hitting where it burned. I need to act normal! But it's too late, the second my whole body freezes, devastation fills his face. "No, man. No."
