Journal Entries

Journal Entry No. 1

November 8, 2023
Time started writing: 11:20 pm
Time ended writing: 11:35 pm

Lately, I've been inactive on the platform that started my dream 3 years ago. It feels like I'm slowly drifting away from the only thing that I ever wanted to do for my entire life. As cheesy and personal as that sounds, that feeling always lingers whenever I write in my notebook. Though I do still write and continue to practice writing to improve just how I write, I tend to forget that I have readers waiting for my next publication. 

Though I dare not to dig too deep into such personal matters in my life as you read my first journal entry, and though I will definitely cringe at one point if I ever come back to this and read, to me, for now, that doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm trying to come back.

I don't know what to feel just trying to get myself to continue my unfinished work after hours of laziness, multiple obstacles, and more. It doesn't feel... foreign. Rather, it feels as though I am desperate to retrieve the motivation I had to write so much back then... yet the feeling of coming back isn't nostalgic. It's confusing.

I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm just typing whatever comes to my mind just writing this journal entry. But all I know is that I want to publish something. Not just online, here in Wattpad... but an actual hard copy of my own book. It would be one of the greatest achievements yet if I ever publish a real book, one that you can smell the fresh and light brown pages after ripping the plastic seal away, one that you can break its spine to read better, one that you can slam the book shut after reading something and feeling so many emotions just from a phrase or line or sentence from any scene, one that you can store on your shelves and let it collect dust, and one that you can annotate. A real book.

Even in a journal, I still write as if it's just fiction. But it's true — I dream that someday I will be able to publish a real book. I've just been stubborn and lazy to take that step. But this journal entry alone is a reminder. A reminder for me and me alone.

I don't care how many votes this will get, I don't care how many reads this will get, I don't care if there will be no comments at all — I'm just glad that I'm back. And I hope that this time, I'll stay longer than before.