Nothing Beyond the Platform and <P> and Other Lies

Chapter 6

She has a mind, is all I could think. I was shocked. Pure innocent Jada knew more than I thought she did. I always assumed she needed me to survive, but that was torn away from me. Now I knew that I needed her to survive.

Shame then overcame me. Jada had been waiting for me to recover my mind and instead I had waited far too long in the fogs of mindlessness. I now knew that we had a job to do, and I had been wasting away on my own, leaving Jada to fend for herself.

"So... do you have dreams too?" I asked. My mind was spinning (it felt amazing still to have a mind however, regardless the headache.) We were sitting out on the counter where we usually ate 'eggs and bakey.'

Instead of going back to the journal, Jada and I were talking. I figured she knew more than what the journal could convey because of the time lapse.

"I used to, but I've grown used to them. They don't hurt if you don't focus on them. Mom told me that you would have bad dreams and so that's why I always made sure to wake you up at a certain time and why I slept next to you." Jada smiles.

How is she so smart?

I always thought that I was the one who had to struggle with the reality of what had happened. I always thought that I was protecting Jada.

Now I see how worthless I actually was. That day I imagined if she wasn't my sister and I didn't know her? This is what it's like.

The Metaphor has become tangible.

Her old self was a facade and now I can see Jada as who she is supposed to be. It's beautiful, but it also hurts. Not just my pride, but the Jada I once loved so much is now disappearing.

But I still love her, right? She's still herself? Of course... she can't change. but she has I think. and I don't know her like I thought I did. She is different and I'm struggling to know if I still love her. Why wouldn't I? But why would I?

Jada isn't 7 years old anymore. She's a lifetime old. She's slipping away... come back to me, I think. But I don't really want to go back. I like my mind. It's like finding a great treasure and I want to keep it forever and ever.

But I feel emotions more clearly and it's like broken glass is pierced deep in my chest and I'm not looking at Jada but at a stranger. Why does this matter? Why do I feel betrayed and ashamed?

I make eye contact with Jada. She's beautiful. She'll always be beautiful, but she won't always be Jada.

Now that I have control over my mind I tell myself to stop thinking about it. But that's a way of thinking about it so I distract myself by asking more questions. This defeats the whole purpose because she tells me and shows me who she really is.

"I've always had a mind," she tells me after I ask. "And so have you. Mom just said that you would fall into a relapse, but now you're back."

This is true. I do remember the times before with my parents and Jada and the different thoughts we would share together. They were joyous times before the night happened.

I still don't want to think about it and Jada doesn't bring it up.

It was only 2 months ago that it happened, and I had relapsed so so far. How could I forget my parents in 2 months? How could I come to fear my mind and dreams? It was insanity and loss.

A new thought: "Why did everyone relapse? I read part of the journal, but I still don't understand it."

"Oh." A pause that was heavy. Then, "That's what we're supposed to figure out."

"But... that's in the journal?"

"No. Dad and mom never knew either. They just knew that we had to be the solution."