MY SHORT STORY JOURNEYS (ENG)

ONLY HOPE

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I sat under the twilight sky where I had my only hope to open my eyes every single morning, in this mortal world. A hope where I would still be able to share a bunch of happiness with my loved ones like father and mother. Before the time has come for these eyes of mine to close.

Just say that my name is Hope Simons. I 'm a 20 year old girl who was continuously hoping for such a miracle to be alive. A miracle to fight against this malicious disease called Dementia.

In the past, I was known as the cheerful hazel-eyed girl who could brighten up their world, right before my world started spinning in the blink of an eye. My world had apparently fallen to the rock bottom where I felt like sinking and I couldn't swim across the ocean. It's like I couldn't find the surface of my final goals in life. This world has been really cruel and too short for me. My life was very saddening.

And right now, I was slowly writing almost three words, simply describing how amazed I feel by watching the beautiful orange view in the sky this afternoon. I tried to express words in the form of poetry as I usually do. Because once, I was dreaming about becoming a poet.

Once, I was an optimistic person and known to be smart as well. But now, everything's changed to the point I've become someone who's pessimistic and slow in thinking, speaking or writing and every little thing that was easy to do before. Maybe the cause of it was my Dementia almost at its peak. In other words, I was slowly approaching the final stage of my life. The expectancy of living longer is very small. Even the doctors said that I'm almost near the death gate.

"Miss Hope?" I heard the voice of my nanny who had been accompanying me all day long. "Let's go home... it's getting dark." She sounded stuttering. And It seemed like she was afraid that my response would be excessive. Because to be honest, since I had this disease, I have become very sensitive.

And it's true though. I held back my tears, crying inside when I found the poem I wrote hasn't finished yet. I literally finished writing three words only and It hurt me. I was upset to the point I already found myself bursting into tears in the end. I can't hold back anymore. My condition seemed to be able to worry my nanny so much that she let herself run closer to where I was. So, she took me into her tight embrace, trying to calm myself down, throwing my chaotic side away somewhere far from where I belong.

And when I finally found myself on the way home in the car, I decided to continue my writing for the next four words. Those four words were I Love Mother and Father, instead of describing the beauty of the evening sky. And for the next words, I suddenly forgot and got confused of which words I should write. But then at the same time, I also realized that this is who I am now. I'm literally an idiot, I can't even speak or write pretty well at 20. An age where I should be able to do things like that easily. But the fact is I can't, and that only makes everything worse, like sometimes I really want to hate myself. And it's like my life is getting dark and darker.

And when the sky was completely dark. My dad, mom and I had just finished having dinner at home. With simple movements and else, I gave them a piece of paper saying that I loved them both. And it was very clear from the look on my eyes that both of them were crying. And I don't know what the meaning of those tears were, but all I always wanted and missed was the warm embrace they gave to me, and the words saying I love you too coming from them, right at the moment when they were crying over what I wrote in the paper.

As the sky outside looked increasingly dark, I was looking at the clock on the wall which showed 9 p.m. And it's finally time for me to fall into my peaceful slumber. So, as usual, mom and dad gave me their kiss goodnight before going to bed. And right before my sleep, my eyes caught a glimpse of sadness coming from my mom. And my father beside her, was embracing and rubbing her back as if trying to erase her sadness. And as my vision got darker, I felt like I was gonna have a really long nice sleep as if I really didn't know how to wake up anymore.

But then I found myself wrong. I literally knew how to wake up. And my eyes caught a light as I slowly stood up straight in amazement. I myself apparently found the beautiful place all around me. But sadly speaking, I couldn't find my mom and dad's presence here.

A second later, I found myself flinching as I noticed several unusual conditions where I suddenly could speak like a normal person without any disease. My brain then felt like it was re-functioning, where I was able to remember a memory that my dad and mom had made before going to sleep. I just didn't expect that the next memory which came up was when they both cried and said Mom and Dad love you too, dear Hope.

And a moment later, I had concluded everything. Like, is this what it feels to be dead? Leaving the mortal world behind for the eternal one? And leaving my mom and dad behind for this illness?

At the same time, the sadness and happiness was filling my whole heart, mixed into one. Indeed, I was happy to find myself closer to God. But on the other hand, I felt sad when I had to leave my mom and dad behind in the mortal world.

But what else can I do? I shouldn't regret everything. After all, this was all my destiny given by the Almighty God. This was where I belonged to completely step on eternity. Abandoning the hope of remaining alive in the mortal world that concludes a state where hope is indeed just a hope. Because in the end, fate was the one who will still determine everything.

Hope will always love Mom and Dad, no matter what and where I go. Our world might be different now, but the only hope of seeing them again was real and strong. The only love and hope for them was right here in this heart, mind of mine, and so big 'til I reached the highest level of eternity.

THE END