As Black As Hell

CHAPTER 2: Keep your secret

"TO KEEP YOUR SECRET IS WISDOM; BUT TO EXPECT OTHERS TO KEEP IT IS FOLLY."

-SAMUEL JOHNSON

When Alec woke, the sun was already high in the sky, streaming down onto his face, and his arm was thrown over somebody. With a groan, he opened his eyes, turning to look at the person next to him. It was Jonathan. He sat up in shock. He didn't remember even being in Jonathan's bed last night. Wait, yes he did.

He remembered now. Jonathan had had another nightmare. He'd sat on the bed, comforting him. He must have fallen asleep there at some point. He didn't even remember Jonathan coming back from getting a drink. Slowly, he peeled back the blanket that had been thrown over him—he didn't remember getting that either—and attempted to climb out of the bed. It wasn't easy; he had to climb over the sleeping form of Jonathan to do so. He manoeuvred his body out of the bed carefully standing on the cool wooden floor of Jonathan's bedroom. Jonathan grumbled adorably, but didn't stir. Alec smiled, and went in search of breakfast, knowing Jonathan wouldn't wake for at least another half-hour.

Stepping out into the corridor, he shut the door quietly, and slipped into his own room to get dressed. His mom hated it when he came to breakfast in his pyjamas, even though she was rarely there. Reappearing in the corridor a few minutes later, now dressed in jeans and another of Jonathan's sweaters, he headed downstairs for something to eat. Isabelle was in the kitchen, buttering toast. She was wearing a tank top, and there was a faded iratze on the inside of her forearm, next to a rapidly healing bruise.

She glanced up at his arrival. "Hey." She greeted him.

He nodded at her arm. "What happened?"

She shifted her arm out of his sight. "Nothing." She offered him a slice of toast. He shook his head. Isabelle always overcooked her toast. She was a rubbish cook, but it never seemed to bother her. If anything, she actually seemed to like her disgusting food. Alec knew from experience not to accept anything she'd cooked. Coming to stand next to her, he pulled a couple of fresh slices from the bread bin and sticking them in the toaster. He didn't eat toast, but Jonathan did. Alec preferred a coffee first thing in the morning.

Waiting for the bread to toast, he turned to speak to Izzy, only to see the ends of her hair whip through the kitchen door and out of sight. He sighed to himself. Izzy just wasn't herself anymore. She never stayed to chat, rarely smiled, and spent most of her time either holed up in her room or out wandering the streets. It wasn't like her. She was usually so chatty, always willing to talk and have fun with the rest of them. Mulling it over, he buttered the toast and put it on a plate, leaning to kick the door shut behind him as he left the kitchen.

Then opened it, grabbed his coffee, and left again.

                                                                                                 ***

Isabelle walked briskly down the hallway. She hated to admit it, but the comment Alec had made about the injury on her wrist had her worried. She couldn't let him find out. She couldn't. 

Passing by Jonathan's room, she paused, wondering whether she should talk to him about it. Jonathan had always been a sort of dam between Alec's unexplainable emotions and the rest of the world. He often spoke up for Isabelle on most issues and she respected him for that, even if she never showed it. The only issue he wouldn't back down on was her going hunting and patrolling. He always sided with Alec on that one. 

Leaning her head against his bedroom door, she took precisely two deep breaths, then turned sharply and strode away. She couldn't expect him to keep this secret. That would be stupid.

                                                                                       ***

When Alec returned to Jonathan's room, he wasn't surprised to find him already awake. As shadowhunters, early mornings were hard-wired into them, and Jonathan never slept well anyway. The nightmares made sure of that.

"Is that for me?" he inquired, eyeing the plate in Alec's hand. Alec handed it over. 

Sitting beside Jonathan on the bed, he took a deep, restorative sip and set the coffee on the bedside table. Jonathan was already halfway through the first slice of toast. Alec watched him for a few moments with interest. He'd never seen anybody wolf down food half as fast as that boy. Once the first slice had been completely demolished, Jonathan looked up.

"I was thinking..."

Alec interrupted him. "No. Don't even think about it. Whatever it is, it's a bad idea."

Jonathan looked mildly hurt. "You don't even know what I was going to say." He pointed out.

"I don't need to," Alec retorted. "I know you. You never have good ideas. Your plans are all terrible..."

"Are not."

"...Ridiculous..."

"Well," Jonathan conceded. "Maybe some of them are."

"...Or downright suicidal." Alec finished.

Jonathan pointed a finger at him. "The suicidal ones are the best plans and you know it!" Alec rolled his eyes and pushed a hand through his already rumpled hair. "Besides," Jonathan continued. "I didn't have an idea. Not really." Alec raised an eyebrow at him. "Okay, I did, but it's not a terrible one!"

Alec let out a sigh and took another sip of his coffee, leaning back on the cushions. "Lets hear it then."

Jonathan shifted, a clear sign that he was uncomfortable. "Do you remember what I said last night?" Alec looked at him. "After I had the nightmare." he clarified.

Alec thought about it. If he was completely honest, he didn't remember too much about what was said last night. Jonathan tended to ramble after waking up from a nightmare. Alec had long since learned to tune it out. But, when he racked his brain, he could recall Jonathan saying something when he woke up. Something about finding out why. The pieces fell into place.

He looked accusingly at Jonathan. "You said it wasn't a terrible plan!"

"It isn't a terrible plan!"

Alec shook his head. "No. It's not terrible." Jonathan started to smile and opened his mouth to speak. Alec held up a hand. "It's absolutely suicidal." Jonathan spluttered. 

Alec knew the plan, because Alec always knew what Jonathan was thinking. Jonathan wanted to track down his sister and find out why she killed their parents. He wanted to track down a monster, a monster who would surely kill him, if she was given the chance. 

It was the worst plan Alec had ever heard.

"Alec, think about it!" Jonathan urged him. "Think! If we track down Clarissa, I'll be free of the nightmares forever!"

"In theory." Alec interjected.

"We'll be heroes! We'll find the answers that the clave have been searching for all these years and-" He stopped, but Alec could have filled in the rest of the sentence for him.

And we'll clear Clarissa's name. 

Jonathan thought Clarissa was innocent. After all these years, he still thought there was a reasonable explanation.

Alec couldn't find it in him to bring Jonathan back to reality.