Coming Undone

Graduation

Eden's POV

Malfoy spends the next four hours sulking about, keeping his eyes cast down and his distance from me.

I don't owe him a relationship, and like I had told him earlier, just because I love him doesn't mean I have to be with him. Besides, I don't like him. I've never liked him.

As far as he knows.

I had thought it over last night, tossing and turning until I just couldn't stay in bed anymore. It was just before the sun came up that I went down to the greenhouse, careful to steer clear of Filch and his cat.

I was still thinking when Malfoy happened upon me, I suppose by accident.

I wanted to badly to say yes, to confess, to throw myself into his arms and never leave. But I was still so unsure that I didn't want to agree to something I would regret later. I do love him, and if something went wrong, and I had to leave him, I couldn't do that to him.

I'm just thankful he never pressed. It was a shock, though, to realize he was willing to let me go if I never said anything. The ambitious Slytherin, letting love slip through his scales. Who'd have thought?

Even though I wanted to say yes when he found me in the greenhouse, I still can't let him just have me after everything he's done. Regardless of the reason, he never thought about the consequences.

It's hard not to look at him as he's laughing with his mates across the training grounds. His browning blond hair shines in the sunlight as it peeks above the castle, and his smile is almost blindingly bright. I've never seen him smile that wide. He's either whining or threatening to tell on someone to daddy.

Graduation started at the asscrack of dawn, just after I had told Malfoy to fuck off. I almost didn't have enough time to change into my robes. But I did—even though I was a little late—and showed up with hair that was still messy from my tossing in bed, and bags looking like bruises hanging under my eyes.

The epitome of the average Ravenclaw student.

I had noticed Malfoy's gaze linger on me as I took my seat next to Luna, and turned my attention to Dumbledore giving one of his famous speeches.

"You look dreadful Eden. Did you get any sleep?" Luna muttered to me, voice too soft to require any effort to whisper.

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Just couldn't sleep."

"You know you can take valerian root, or some hops. A blend of the two is especially helpful."

"Herbs?"

She peeped a tiny "mhm," and smiled at me.

"Brilliant, thank you. I'll look for some after the ceremony."

After we threw our caps, we began on the feast, talking amongst ourselves.

Talk of careers came up; some wanted to go to college, some wanted to go out into the muggle world and start a life there, others had more ambitious goals.

Myself? I want to study alchemy. It's a route I haven't much knowledge on, but my interest was piqued when I heard of it, and something draws me to it, something tugging on my heartstrings to devote my life to the study. And who am I not to listen?

Said heartstrings are painfully plucked when I catch Malfoy staring again. Not scowling, no glare twisting his face; but a gentle look. Longing, almost.

Instead of averting our eyes as soon as we catch each other, we can't look away. My own face softens for him, betraying the words I had used to twist the knife into him further just this morning.