Charlotte

Chapter 9

Even when I heard Dimitri was in the infirmary, I didn't go and visit him. I also skipped school for the rest of the week. I stayed either holed up in the apartment or in Lissa's. When Dimitri would come home, I would immediately vacate the Livingroom to either hide in my room, or I would go spend the night with Lissa and Natalie. Technically, that wasn't allowed, but the only person who could report it would only sigh as I walked away from him and find a novel to escape into. 

Logically, I knew it wasn't Rose's fault. I knew it was unfair to blame her. But looking at her face, or even just talking about her made me want to cry. She got everything; my brain told me. A best friend who loved her unconditionally, a surrogate family (yeah, they were dead now, but she got to experience familial love), friends, boys drooling all over her...Dimitri. 

Angrily, I screamed into my pillow and threw it into the wall. Natalie was sitting on her bed, staring at me with wide eyes. Her glasses were crooked, books were strewn across her lap, and she paused from writing frantically on her laptop. Lissa was over at the desktop, and she saved her document to come sit on the bed with me. Usually, I was the one doing the comforting, but this time, Lissa threw her arm around me and rested her cheek on my head. 

"I don't know what's going on with you...but if I know anything, whatever Rose did, she will make it right," Lissa said. 

I didn't see how. She didn't even know why I was mad at her. She knew why I was mad...but how could she begin to understand when I couldn't even figure it out? Apparently, she had gone to the infirmary to check on Lissa's guardian and had given him a good tongue-lashing too. She had come to report it to me, to tell me that he really did feel terrible, but I had felt nothing but anger at her for once again coming out on top. I'd turned on my heel and walked away without a word to her. 

 I knew my grades were going to decline from staying in all day, and I had already gotten a warning notice from the administrative building (seriously, it'd only been two days), but I couldn't bring myself to care. What did it matter? I had no role here. 

I knew that my worth wasn't defined by some guy, but I was becoming less jaded. I was here because I was useful. A tool to keep Lissa sane. A way to keep Rose from being too crazy. I was here, because Dimitri had wanted me here...and now, I didn't want to be here. 

"Can we...go somewhere?" I asked her. "I'm sick of seeing the same three rooms." 

"Sure," Lissa gives me a squeeze. "I was going to meet with Christian...do you want to come?" 

I wrinkled my nose. "Not if you're going to be making out." 

"Not the plan," Lissa laughs. I manage a weak smile, but it drops too soon. Lissa quickly shuts down the computer properly, and then gently runs a brush through my hair. She'd insisted, saying she refused to be caught dead next to such a hideous rat's nest. I didn't blame her. My curly hair tended to be tough to brush in the mornings every day. I hadn't brushed it since the morning after...the morning after Dimitri and I had kissed. 

We headed out to the church together, having to hurry so we didn't get caught outside past curfew. The attic library was small and dusty, even though I had just dusted the shelves and knick-knacks earlier this week. Christian wasn't exactly thrilled to see me. Guess I messed up is making out plans. But Lissa had confided her confusion on the situation with him, so he didn't demand I leave. Not that I particularly cared what he thought. Men are trash. 

"I have an idea," Lissa said as she settled on a stool next to Christian. I was standing over by the window, looking out into the lightening sky. "I tell you something, you tell me something." 

I turned to her, an eyebrow raised. I felt heavy all of a sudden, waiting for her to ask the question I knew she was going to ask. 

"Why are you so mad at Rose?"