Our Journey to Forever...

Keira needs me

Keira's POV:
6 months. 6 long, cold, lonely months. That's how long me and Lucy had now been apart. At first I was completely fine, obviously missing her like crazy but I was still feeling happy and optimistic. We were talking everyday for a good few hours on an evening, which was making being separated a lot easier. Lucy had fit in really well in Lyon pretty early on, but I wasn't surprised. Her outgoing personality was bound to charm her new teammates and I was so proud of her for getting so stuck in.

Things took a downward turn pretty quickly for me though. After the first month I just felt a complete flip in my mood. It was honestly like someone flicked a switch, one day I was in really good spirits and the next everything just came crashing down on me. My mood had completely slumped, which was being reflected in my football and everyday life. Me and Lucy still spoke on the phone everyday, but I made sure to get a grip of myself and completely hide my mood from her. She looked to be having the time of her life and I didn't want to risk putting any sort of dampener on that.

Although we were still chatting everyday, the few hours at first had turned into an hour, half an hour, even 10 minutes some days. She was busy, and I understood that, but I couldn't deny that it did hurt. I was content when we were speaking, my problems melted away for that period of time, so as the phone calls grew shorter my sadness came back quicker. I wasn't sleeping either which was causing me to be absolutely exhausted. I'd never thought of myself as an overly dependent person, but now I don't have the luxury of falling asleep in my girlfriend's arms it had become apparent that I very much was. It sounds ridiculous but I felt like a broken version of myself, completely run down and unable to function properly.

Training and playing felt like such a chore, I was slowly growing to dislike it which was something that never could be said for me normally. My performance was at an all time low, constantly being shouted at for being sloppy in training and on some days that got really bad, I'd even been dropped to the bench for games. Lucy did pick up on something being off when she'd seen I'd been dropped, but I just played it off with being poorly. I couldn't have her worrying about the mess I'd turned into, she'd blame herself and that was the last thing I wanted. Plus there's nothing she could do even if she did know, she's in a different country so it's not like she can just pop home and give me the hug that I so desperately need.

I'd dropped Narla off with my mum for a few days, not that I hadn't been taking care of her because I had, but I just felt my mum would be able to take better care. Dogs are clever and I honestly think she'd picked up on my declining state. The house that once felt so bright and full felt so empty, our bed that once brought me so much comfort felt cold and uncomfortable. I've never felt like this in my life before, yes I've had down days and bad moods, but this has been a constant for months now. England camp was still another 2 months away, how am I meant to cope?

Lucy's POV:
There's no denying that my time at Lyon so far has been surreal. I've met some amazing people and already feel like my football has been pushed to the next level. That's exactly what I'd made the move for so I was so glad it was actually paying off. There was a constant cloud hanging in my mind though, thinking of my Keira back in Manchester. I'd felt this pang of guilt for leaving her ever since I walked into the airport that day, and I still now 6 months down the line couldn't shake it. She seemed to me to be doing okay when we spoke on the phone, but I just had this feeling she was trying to put a brave face on. Kind of like a sixth sense.

Our phone calls had been cut short sometimes on my behalf, which only made my guilt grow worse. I couldn't spare a couple of hours on an evening for the girl I loved, which saying that back makes me feel physically sick. I've just been so busy with various commitments, things work a bit different over here. In England, once you leave training for the day that's it your evening is free. Here in France though, a random meeting could be sprung upon you at 7pm which you had to rush to attend. I felt so bad because it felt like I wasn't prioritising Keira anymore, and it was scaring me how that was really making her feel.