Javi, Come Home

CHAPTER SIX

     Tate was staring at Javi in the near darkness and he couldn't make sense of his thoughts. He'd asked. He'd initiated this and now he was suddenly incredibly scared of the repercussions of his question. Even more scared of the repercussions of Javi's answer.

     Javi, who didn't appear embarrassed at all. He tilted his chin up and asked, his tone teasing, "Have you thought about kissing me, Tate?"

     Tate swallowed, something like desire lodged in his throat. Had he thought about it? It was all he could think about most days. There'd been moments recently, deeply shameful and hidden in the pockets of his mind, where his imagination and his thoughts had run a little too rampant and he'd given into them, touched himself to the very idea of what it would be like to kiss Javi.

     "Tate," Javi said quietly. "Where'd you go?"

     "My head for a little," Tate said just as quietly. Their whispers were hardly audible over the rain but their heads were close, hanging over the edges of their sleeping bags. "I've thought about it," he admits, shifting his gaze.

     "Thought about it in a bad way?" Javi asked.

     Tate shook his head. "No. It was definitely not bad."

     "So maybe," Javi said slowly, thoughtfully. "Maybe we should try it."

     Tate's stomach, which was already doing somersaults, flipped right off of his ribcage and doubled back behind his spine. "Try it?"

     Javi slid closer and Tate could feel his breath on his mouth. "Do you want to?"

     Oh god, Tate wanted to. He was less worried about the wanting it and more concerned with what happened after, when they were no longer in a tent by the lake surrounded by darkness and nobody else for miles. Tate wanted to know what happened when he could no longer have it. How he was supposed to exist outside of this moment ever again.

     "Javi," he said. "Are you playing around?"

     Javi bit back a smile and said sincerely, "No, Tate, I'm not playing around."

     Tate persisted. "You've really thought about this?"

     "I've really thought about this."

     Tate absorbed that. So it wasn't just him. He wasn't alone in the wanting.

     "Okay," Tate said finally. "Let's try it."

     Javi had to reign himself in, afraid that he'd scare Tate away if he moved too fast, but he wanted to pin him down and really kiss him. He wanted to slip his tongue into his mouth. He knew if he moved that fast, it wouldn't work for Tate. He was easing him into the idea of this, the idea of them like this.

     Javi licked his upper lip and then shifted onto his forearm, sitting up so he could hover over Tate. Tate mimicked him, shifting upwards onto his elbow. They were the same height like this, eye to eye, nose to nose, and almost mouth to mouth.

     He tilted his head just slightly on an angle, knowing it would keep them from bashing noses because he has before with other people and he didn't want anything to take away from this moment. He wanted to get it right. He wanted it to be perfect.

     Because if it was perfect, maybe Tate would want to do it again.

     Javi was thinking about it, thinking about all of it, not moving because he was too busy thinking and Tate was opposite. Tate was tired of thinking, of waiting, of wanting. So he moved and dropped his mouth onto Javi's without ceremony.

     They were all contrast. Javi's mouth hot where Tate's was cool. They'd both gone still. Javi's skin was prickling like it was conducting electricity. Tate thought this is it, this is the feeling I've been missing.