All Kinds of Quiet

ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 11

Js wanted to say that Xav drops here. He's very emotional and he might start to feel better then start being emotional again so DON'T GET MAD. Also he's stuttering cause he's crying; don't wanna see no comments abt that or I'LL COME FOR YOU (jk i love you guys).

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╔══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╗
𝑿𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒆𝒓
╚══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╝

I woke up to a strange sensation.

The room felt heavy, like a weight pressing down on my chest. Moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow around me.

But rather than feeling at ease, I was sinking. Deeper and deeper into something I couldn't quite understand.

Knowing I wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon, I climbed out of bed and headed into our ensuite bathroom to brush my teeth, the odd feeling still present.

I returned back to bed as soon as I was done, unable to describe how I was feeling.

Memories of last night flooded back into my head - the scenes we'd played out, the commands she'd given.

It had all been so intense. In the best possible way. Nirvana.

Yet so consuming. That now, in the quiet of the morning, I couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that lingered.

I could barely move my legs. The realization that I was only able to walk after the scene because I was still riding on her high, dawned on me.

My muscles were sore; a reminder of the physical exertion I had been put through. But it was the emotional fallout that really got to me.

Doubt, fear, insecurity - they all swirled around in my head, threatening to overwhelm me. A million and one questions flooding my mind.

Was I good enough for her?
Has she forgiven me?
Did I deserve her?
Was I worthy of her love?

I wasn't worthy of her love, I knew that. I didn't deserve her either. What I had done was downright cruel. Unforgivable. She shouldn't forgive me; I didn't deserve her forgiveness anymore than I was good for her.

My thoughts consumed me. Pushing me closer and closer to that place I didn't want to go; the place I was afraid to go.

I wanted her, needed her. To comfort me. To counter my thoughts and tell me that I'd be okay. That she loved me.

But she wasn't there. Nothing was.

I was trapped. Inside my head. A prisoner to my negative emotions.

The heaviness in my chest grew. Squeezing the air from my lungs as tides of emotion crashed over me. It wasn't until I felt wetness on my cheeks that I realized I was crying.

I buried my face in my pillow as more tears welled up against my closed eyelids. The ache in my limbs was nothing compared to the pain I felt in my heart.

The scenes from last night flashed behind my closed eyes again, as though it was being replayed for me in real time. The sharp sting of regret became more evident as each scene passed by.

I had given myself over to her completely. The rush of adrenaline made me feel ecstatic. But now, I felt nothing but vulnerability, doubt swirling within me.

A sob racked through my throat. My hand immediately slapped over my mouth as soon as I noticed shuffling from the side of the bed next to me.

Guilt flooded my veins as I took in her peaceful form. The gentle rise and fall of her chest as she slept.