"The most hurtful thing about all this is that you were able to look me and my eyes everyday, smiling and laughing, knowing that you cheated on me."
Samantha James is now a football state Championship, and while she should be enjoying her celebrity...
After Corey death, the days seemed like it all blurred together — felt like my body was on autopilot, I didn't even know what day it was most of the time. We cried so much that we could've made a whole new ocean; I could probably have my own lake with my tears alone. And the amount of condolences text I've gotten had me shutting my phone off, people telling me if I need them then they're only a phone call away.
I didn't bother calling to find out if they were just a phone call away, I had enough on my plate. I felt like if another item was added then my plate would shatter. Again. So, trying to figure out what's going on with Jordan and Olivia are on the back burner. I have way more pressing matters, if they want me to know something they will tell me when they ready.
The ceremony went by like a blur, everything happened so fast, I was sitting in the front row with Jordan and Olivia by my side, and then I was at the gravesite watching them put dirt over the coffin. When the coffin was being covered with dirt was when it really it me that Corey was gone forever, everything felt so unreal until that moment. Even with Jordan arms around me, and Olivia trying to comfort me that whole day — I never felt more alone.
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I'm sure everybody could see the distance between us.
"Hey," Darnell walks into the living room, sitting down beside me. He has been coming over a lot more these days since we got back from the cabin, which was understandable. I wouldn't want to sit in a house full of Corey's thing all day. "I thought you were going to visit Corey's gravesite today."
"I am." I tap my phone screen to check the time for the umpteenth time, or to see if I got a new message. "I didn't want to go by myself so I ask Jordan to come along with me, so I'm just waiting for him." As if Jordan was a fly on the wall, waiting for me to acknowledge that I was waiting for him, my phone lights and I see it's a message from him. "Disregard that. He's not coming anymore."
"I can go with you." Darnell suggests. "I don't know if I make a good replacement but it's better than nobody."
"Actually," I start. "I prefer to go with you."
And I meant that, I only ask Jordan because we're always missing each other lately. He calls, I'm busy or I'll call, he's busy. He makes plans for us to do something, then he ends up canceling them; I make plans for us to do something and he still ends up canceling. In school, is probably the only time we really see each other but sometimes I don't even want to be bother trying to ignore how weird he's acting and same goes for Olivia. I can't sit with Asher because he's always with Olivia, the next best thing is Simone and Spencer.
Standing in front of Corey's yet-to-be-marked gravesite, I could feel those tears rushing back like the day of the funeral. Two weeks he's been gone, and it still hurts like the day I saw him dead on the couch. I thought if I didn't visit as often as Spencer and Dillon does then maybe it wouldn't sting to be here, but clearly that didn't work. Darnell turn towards me and wrap his arms around me, his touch was more comforting than Jordan and Olivia. He wanted to be here while I could feel Jordan and Olivia were just here because they felt like they had to be.
