Distorting Destiny

Decline

They enjoyed repetition and routine, but this was a worrying routine to repeat. All in the span of only a few days or weeks with their mother gone. It might get progressively worse by the month's end. He held a severe level of attachment that actually began to make them uncomfortable.

Their father was being clingy to the point it was nearly suffocating. He would put them on his lap for mealtime, and wouldn't even leave their nursery to go to bed. He had brought in a cot and was sleeping beside their crib. It had been gradual at first with their dad falling asleep on the chair in the corner of the room. The situation had progressed into their dad sleeping in their room full-time for these days.

At some point in their nearly two years of life, their dad had picked up on their enjoying being held to the chest of their caregiver. Ear against the body as they tried to be as close to the beating of their loved one's heart as possible. It was a wonderful thing to them, though now they were a bit put off by how their father practically always held them this way unless it was for changing and eating.

Lloyd loves their father, there was no question about that. Up until this point they had tried to dismiss that there was anything wrong with him. This amount of attention and perhaps obsession with them was very troubling. They usually liked being held, however this felt like their father was trying to hold them captive. The sheer desperation they felt from their father as he held them was the only thing that prevented them from fussing. Along with the fact their father seemed quite tense, like he was trying to keep it all together.

They didn't understand why but they were his tether. Something about that still made them upset, being one of the only things- or maybe they were the only thing- grounding their father. This was not something an almost-two-year-old should be responsible for. It wasn't something they were supposed to do as the child in the relationship. They were in no way obligated to be an anchor for their dad, yet they did it. They didn't cry unless it was instinctive or for their needs. They wouldn't complain even if they didn't like the situation, since they did love and want to help their dad.

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Some experiences during the weeks their mother was gone they cherished more than others. Like when their dad would read to them from picture books with a written language they didn't understand or recognize. Times when their dad was content and they were too.

They would lean back on him and tilt their head until they could see his eyes. In these calmer moments they swore they saw multiple flecks of purple within them. Lloyd would even receive a smile that felt much truer than the others he had given them over the course of the day. It was as if a weight had been lifted as he read to them. There wasn't any frantic effort or rush for a distraction, he didn't have those brief expressions that concerned them so. They were both untroubled and comfortable with each other. 

This mellow version of their father was rare to come by during their mother's absence. Fleeting moments of clarity amongst the storm that was their father's behavior.

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Lloyd only hit the brakes when everything became too much. It had been pretty sudden, much like other times they cried for no supposed reason. Their emotional dam had cracked, unleashing a flood of emotion they had tried to hide for their father's sake.
They didn't know how this terribly clingy version of their father would react, resulting in more tears as their thoughts went wild. The uncertainty of it all just upsetting them further.

The dim glow of red coming from eyes that weren't their own made them look up from their plush mat. Lloyd's blurry eyes didn't prevent them from knowing who it was. Their dad had knelt down before them, the glow gradually fading as he looked them over for a cause of their tears. When he found nothing, and knew they had eaten quite recently, he lifted them into his lap.

The comfortable material of their dad's pants was easy to grip to. He carefully brushed his hand against their still growing head of hair. Tears were carefully wiped away with a kind of cloth, letting them see a bit more clearly. Their little nose sniffled as their non-glowing red eyes met their father's. His eyes were no longer producing a visible glow, and they were entirely focused on them.

"What's wrong?" He softly asked them. He looked so much more receptive than he had been these past weeks without their mom. Unlike the tighter and seemingly constricting hold they had grown used to, their dad was barely brushing their back. The difference between the way he held them now and then was like night and day.

Their dad treated them so gently, like he was refraining from hugging them tightly after their heavy sobs. He was giving them space, like they sometimes needed when they would cry unprompted. This was the type of actions that made them feel better, when their discomforts were acknowledged and taken into account. Their tears and hyperventilation settled down at the much more recognizable behavior of their dad.

Lloyd's father cautiously tried to soothe them, hand hovering in case they were to topple off his lap. He was careful, as to not cause further crying upon contact. "You can tell me anything, Lloyd." He tried again to get them talking.

Trying to find the right words was difficult seeing as the language their father spoke was different to the one in their head. They managed to pull a short sentence together, despite their jumbled and upset mind. "Dad has been off." Their soft and meek voice announced.

The shock on their dad's face was mixed with guilt as he took in what they had said. "I'm so sorry, son." He began to cry, only a couple tears to start with.

Lloyd initiated a hug when they noticed the pain their dad must have been carrying. His tears soon evolved into full on crying, and they realized that their father had a dam of his own that was now draining bit by bit. Despite all the pain and tears that they eventually reciprocated, they felt so much closer to their father.