All The Lies We Told

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

Declan is nowhere to be found when I get to the gazebo directly overlooking the dock. I could have sworn I saw him come up this way. I stride along the trail connecting the gazebo and the parking lot where Ben is still parked, keeping a lookout, just in case my eyes fail me in the darkness. I go to enter Ben's car to ask if he saw where Declan went and find Declan in the passenger seat. He and Ben are laughing and listening to Delicate by Taylor Swift. My most favourite freaking song. They both immediately freeze.

Ben turns down the music and asks how things went with Aubrey. He's trying his best not to make things awkward. When I tell him "surprisingly well" his eyes widen in shock but he takes it no further. I'm assuming because Declan is still around and Ben's not the type. He's that one friend who is one-hundred percent all-knowing and on your side behind closed doors, in public and around others, he pretends to be that cool chill guy who doesn't put his nose in shit that doesn't involve him.

Declan steps out of the car and slides past me, our bodies inches apart. If I breathe any harder, our bodies might just touch, god I wish that moment lasted longer. Just enough for me to breathe harder I mean.
As I shut the door behind him, I glare at Ben mouthing "What the fuck?"
Did Ben invite Declan into his car? If so, what in the heck were they even talking about? How is it that they cosied up to each other like it was nothing?

Ben purses his lips and then leans toward me. "He's cool. I approve," he whispers and gives me two thumbs up.

I slam the door shut and Declan's waiting off to the side. He's staring down at the ground and fuck it's awkward. I finally have him alone and I'm all choked up. I had this plan to come here and speak my truth. I wanted to tell him how comfortable he made me feel and how less alone I felt talking to him. He made me feel like it was okay to constantly question who I am. "How you view yourself is the most important of all. Fuck everyone else." He once said, speaking from experience with his father.

"How did that go?" Declan asks. He's leading the way down the path and to the dock. His gaze is either straightforward or directly on the ground, he hasn't turned to look at me once.
"Surprisingly good. I haven't seen Aubrey this.... Well, Aubrey since we started dating. It's nice. So uh, what was that with Ben back there?"
"I was cold. He offered warmth."
I unzip my sweater. "Do you want my—"
"No, keep it. It's fine. I'm good." He clears his throat.

The tension between us is driving me nuts. I can't bring up anything relating to us up right now, it's too soon and not the right time or place. Besides, Aubrey is here. Talk about awkwardness.

We get to the end of the dock and sit on opposite sides of Aubrey, me to the left and Declan to the right. She doesn't say a word when we sit down, she's staring out at the view and looks deep in thought.

"You know you were always like a sister to me, right?" Declan breaks the silence.

"Like?" Aubrey brushes her hair away from her face.

"You know what I mean. You're my sister, you always have been."

"With the way I treated you, of course, I loved you like a brother."

"Loved? Wow."

Aubrey pushes her shoulder against Declan's, her legs are dangling over the edge of the dock and I'm here like the unwanted fly on the wall. I don't know even know why I'm here, she doesn't need me. Neither of them do.

"So where do we go from here?" Aubrey asks.

"Come to UPitt with me?"

Aubrey chuckles and looks down at her hands. I know she had dreams of going away for college and the last thing she'd want to do is stick around her. With her mom being gone, she has the rest of her life to look forward to.

"It's too late now. I have to wait until next year."

"I'll wait with you."

"What? No. You're not waiting around for me to go to college with you, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I wouldn't do that for you if roles were reversed, you know."

Declan laughs out loud. "I'm glad we're at the point where you can admit that. I don't know,"

I gaze back out at the water. The tree lines reflect on the surface of the moonlit water and the waves billow just enough for the ripples to sing with the wind.

"I have some things I need to figure out here anyway," Declan says under his breath. My heart skips a beat hoping I'm his unfinished business.

I look up and he's staring out at the water like he's waiting for the first sight of a ship, or like he's waiting for a lost love to come home. My heart does this weird crinkling thing when I look at him like it's being wrung of all its blood, and all I'm left with is a bare, dry piece of tissue. Stop looking out at the water, I'm right here.

"As fucked up as this whole year has been, I think I'm happy," Declan says still staring off into the distance.

"You know what? Me too." Aubrey says.

I decided to add to the conversation instead of just listening to theirs. "Same. It's weird, I always wondered how people could 'feel like a brand new person' after some life-changing event but still lead the same life, but I get it now. I'm the same as I ever was but with more insight into myself." I word vomit. "Thanks to you both."

Aubrey stands up and wraps her arms around both mine and Declan's shoulders. "I think you two need to talk. I'm gonna take a little walk."

"What? No—"

"Declan, just shut up and tell the boy you like him, okay?" she looks at me and winks.

I look back at Declan, his face is flushed and his eyes are filled with embarrassment. What the hell, right?

I reach for his cheek and lean in. And fuck, I've waited forever and a day for this kiss. It's better than I even imagined.