Black Water

•4•

"I hear you bash yourself all the time-"

"It was MY fault!-"

"It's MY LIFE! My life! If I choose to spend it with you you can't take that from me!"

Raya screamed pouting at me and tears were strolling down both of our faces.

"You are so focused on me and my life? I went you to give a shit about yourself. For once! So I don't have to keep thinking you'll eat a bullet the next day if I'm not watching you!"

"That's why I want you to leave in the first place! This isn't the life you deserve! And because it's yours you can choose to release me-"

"I CANNOT! And I will not! I love you! And the gates of hell aren't going to stop me!"

"You are my daughter Raya."

"And you are my MOTHER. The sooner you get that through your thick-"

Bang

Wincing I realized I had kicked the bookshelf in front of me. Wait...I kicked the bookshelf. Raya rushed over to me and saw the bruise on my foot, and Kento as well. I felt dizzy all of a sudden, she caught my back saying.

"How much medication did you take for the migraine?"

"I-I don't know..."

Raya and Kento moved me to the bedroom and found out I had a fever. I took too much medication. It wasn't high enough to go to the doctor but enough to bother me. Groaning I resisted their ploys as the first to drink water but eventually, I caved and did so. The following days Raya's company needed her to come in the building. She didn't want to for my sake but in the event it was a promotion by the way the email sounded I wanted her to go for it. So she left and Kento was taking care of me. The fever took a while to break and sometimes I would cling onto Kento's hand.

"Nanami..."

I whispered his name, occasionally I could feel how stiff he got when I irked him out. Feeling him tuck me in or burst the hair out of my face was of great comfort to me. More than I'd care to admit, I felt his arms cradle around me when I needed to drink more water. They were so warm and firm.

Esme...

"Esme. Drink a little more, won't you?"

The concern in his voice and the inflection in how he said my name distracted me. I nodded gulping down more, ignoring Adam's apple and the slightly opened buttons on his shirt. I finished it off but did go into a mild coughing fit. He patted my back, and in the event I needed to puke he'd guide me to the bathroom and hold my hair up while I puked. Occasionally I would have interesting thoughts about that. The fever finally broke and I slept a long time afterwards. I woke up on my checking to see if I could move my legs any. No. But I could move my toes.

"Hey. Raya..."

My voice was super hoarse but considering she has the ears of a cat she came to my side Kento included. And I showed them toes. Raya squealed hugging me and I hugged her back with a mild ow. The six months were purely physical therapy for me. Whether that was talking/journaling/or screaming into the pillow sessions to get my so-called trauma Raya called it out. And doing breathing exercises with Kento. Raya had a feeling I had a breakthrough because I finally let my guard down and truly let them in.

"Raya I don't want you to think-"

"I don't mind whatever it takes to get you healthy. Not to mention how comfortable were you at yelling at me?"

"Not at all."

"Exactly. Sometimes you need someone else to challenge you to get to the root of problems."

It went from moving my toes to my feet to my knees and so on. Kento bought a metal rail so I could practice taking steps and when I told I felt every inch of pain. I guess exposing myself to that trauma had a drawback. The crying myself to sleep nights or the pillow boxing was needed too. Every aching step was progress. Slow. Ugly. But a process. And I wasn't alone. Raya, there were sides I got to know more of. Kento further expanded on his tales of his old job. Raya thought he was joking but I knew he wasn't. Once I was officially walking up and down the house normally, cooking my breakfast, and doing tree pose with Kento (I forced him) Raya finally started going out on her own enjoying herself. Every time she would come back it was always a new story a new stream with rocks or the way the rain fell on the bridge. I bit back am I told you so because mostly I would cry. I was just so fucking happy for her. I tried convincing her to go to college too. That didn't fly but it was worth a shot. Raya wanted to go visit her grandparents for a week and of course, I let her with the condition of calling me every few days to make sure she was okay. As much as I wanted to hide it she knew how badly I didn't want her to leave. I was so used to having her around that it made me fearful of her departing. However, I let her go and just chilled with Kento in the house. He, unbeknownst to me, set up a home date evening while I was showering. Every I used to take for granted in the world I would savor every single moment. To its fullest.