Pursuit of Happiness | Taz Skylar [1]

070. don't want to go home

Taz was sprawled across the bed when Zoe came out of the shower, dressed only in one of his shirts and her underwear. Her hair was wet as it hung limply from her shoulders, washed clean of salt water. Taz could tell from the movements of Zoe's body that soreness had already begun to set in as she climbed onto the bed and he opened his arms so that she could collapse on top of him, burying her face into the crook of his neck.

"Did no one ever teach you how to dry your hair?" Taz joked, pulling Zoe's hair back from her face so that it was draped down her back and wasn't soaking into his chest.

"I know how to dry my hair. It just hurts to lift my arms," Zoe mumbled. Then, speaking against the side of Taz's neck, she said, "I don't think I have it in me to go out and get dinner. Can we just get room service or something?"

Taz nodded and kissed Zoe's hair before carefully rolling her off him so that he could get up from the bed. Zoe felt as if every muscle in her body was aching, but she managed to drag her body to sit up against the headboard as Taz walked across the room to retrieve the room service menu.

"Get whatever you want," Taz said when he came back to the bed, passing it to her before he sat down on the bed, facing her.

"I don't want to pick. I just want food," Zoe said.

"You're a brat," Taz told her, but his smile was fond as he took the menu from Zoe. As he looked it over, Zoe shuffled closer to him until she could rest her head on his shoulder and curl both of her arms around one of his. Taz smiled down at her, and then he pointed to something on the menu, asking, "What about this?"

"Yeah, that'd be fine," Zoe mumbled, although Taz saw that she didn't even look at the menu. He rolled his eyes, but he didn't attempt to press her to actually look at what he'd pointed out. Zoe wasn't a particularly picky eater and she was willing to try anything she hadn't had before at least once, so Taz untangled his arm from her grasp and padded his way back across the room, the menu in hand. Zoe listened to the smooth sound of Taz's native tongue as he called room service and ordered. By the time that Taz hung up and returned to the bed, Zoe had picked up one of the pillows on the bed and was hugging it to her chest, the distant look in her eyes telling him that her mind was far away from their hotel room.

"Are you okay?" Taz asked, sitting close enough to Zoe that his knee brushed hers as he got comfortable.

"I like it here," Zoe admitted quietly. She squeezed her arms tighter and pressed her face into the top of the pillow, but Taz still heard her when she added, "I don't want to go home."

"We have to, bub," Taz told her, carefully pulling the pillow out of Zoe's grasp. Once the pillow had been cast aside, Zoe dragged her tired body into Taz's lap, resting her cheek against his thigh and curling her legs up towards herself like she was trying to make herself as small as possible. Taz let her do it without complaint, using his fingers to brush Zoe's wet hair back from her face and behind her ear.

"Talk to me," Taz murmured, leaning down to kiss her head.

"Everything's hard at home," Zoe whispered. "Everywhere I look, I'm reminded of my mom and my dad and Ivy and it makes everything so fucking hard, but it's easy here. I actually . . . I feel okay here. I hardly ever feel okay at home."

Taz bent over Zoe's body, curling his arm around her waist and squeezing her. He was silent for a long time, just holding her, before he asked quietly, "Are you just saying this because you're tired? Or do you always feel like this?"

Taz could hear the lump of tears in the back of Zoe's throat. "I always feel like this."

Taz was quiet for a long time, but then he shifted, bringing his head to rest in the crook of Zoe's neck. She let him do it, listening to the sound of his breath in her ears as he breathed once, twice, three times before finally gathering the courage to ask, "Do you think things would still be this easy for you in London?"

Zoe twisted her body, lying on her back across Taz's lap so that she could stare up at him, those hazel eyes of hers widening into saucers. "What?"

Taz wasn't meeting her eyes as he sat up again, keeping his eyes fixed on his own fingers as he began tracing patterns across Zoe's bicep and down her arm. "I don't need you to answer me now. It's been a long day, and I shouldn't even be asking right now, but – "

"Taz," Zoe said, taking his hand on her arm and forcing it to still. Left with nothing else to look at, Taz let his eyes drift back to Zoe's face, letting her take in the vulnerability that he knew had to be written across every bit of his expression.

"This works, doesn't it?" Taz asked, searching Zoe's eyes. "You and me. We still work, don't we?"

Zoe nodded, turning Taz's hand in her grasp so that she could press their palms together, her fingers sliding against his. A soft smile curled at her mouth, but it was paired with the cautious conflict in her eyes as she whispered, "Yeah. Yeah, we work."

"I don't need you to answer me now," Taz said. "I know it's fast, and that I'm asking a lot, so I don't need an answer tonight. Hell, I don't even need an answer before Bree and Jay get married. I just want you to know that it's an option, if you want it."

Zoe wanted it. She wanted it so much that she could feel it like an ache in every inch of her body, that instinct to just fall into Taz's arms and let him take her away from the place where so much of her pain was anchored, but how could she? How could she leave when so much of her joy was rooted in the same place? Could she really turn her back on everyone who had stood by her even when she acted like she didn't want it, just to escape her own pain? Could she leave the only family she had left?

"I don't know," Zoe whispered, playing with her tongue piercing as she looked up at him with eyes that were wide with confusion and uncertainty. "I just – I don't know. I need to – "

"Don't answer me tonight," Taz said, leaning down to press a kiss to Zoe's cheek. "We'll have dinner, and then you can sleep, and then think about it tomorrow."

"Okay," Zoe said feebly, reaching up with her free hand to brush her fingers across Taz's jaw. He hadn't shaved in a couple of days, leaving a dark shadow across his jaw that pricked at Zoe's fingers as he turned his head to kiss her palm. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something else, but then there was a knock on the door, signaling the arrival of the food they'd ordered. Untangling his hand from hers, Taz carefully rolled Zoe out of his lap and then rose from the bed, padding across the room to answer the door.