Tama, hindi nga naman siya ang pumasok sa buhay ko, ako ang pumasok sa buhay niya. Kasalanan ko bang tinanggap niya ako? Hindi naman ako umasang tatanggapin niya ako.
Wala naman akong sinabing pagbuksan niya ako nang pinto, habang kumakatok ako.
Ang one-time kilig experience ko -- Klaiza.
Klaiza is my name and I am from Makati City. Kapag sinabing Makati, not really mean 'mayaman' ang mga nakatira. Kabilang din ako sa mga taong 'may kaya' na nakatira sa Makati.
I met Charleston sa pinapasukan kong school. I am in my second year of high school and unfortunately, we're classmates. Not just classmates, but seatmates.
I am the kind of person who is easily attached and easily hurt. Kaunting kibot, may epekto na sa damdamin ko yan. Masyado ko nang dinadamdam iyan at masyado akong sensitive sa mga ganyan. Kaunting joke... I take it seriously. I couldn't swallow joke. Maybe, that was the reason for my one-time kilig moment.
Hindi lang ako basta-basta slow, eh. I am more on, your joke becomes explanation na. Kaya siguro, I only experienced some 'kilig factor' but not totally the kilig.
In addition to that, maybe, napaghalo ko lang yung ideal ko sakaniya at yung bagay na, let's say, naging comfortable na ako sa kaniya.
Well, to be honest, ako naman talaga ang pumasok sa buhay niya.
He was just quiet when we first met. Sinimulan ko lang naman siyang kulitin nang kulitin, that is why nagkaroon kami ng little bit of connection. Can you blame kung siya lang ang available person na makakausap ko na malapit sakin?
Of all people, I fell for him... that was my first conclusion. Then, after months, no... I was only admiring him because he was good and somewhat better. After a few months of knowing him, maybe, I was a little turned off kasi hindi ganoon kaganda ang attitude niya, well, that's for me. Little did I know, that whenever I would start an argument between us, I felt low. I was like being manipulated by my emotions because my nature is being compassionate and so whatever. I felt like I was being used.
"I am going to move on." sabi ko sa mismong harap niya, one time nung magkita kaming dalawa.
Tinignan niya ako... and there it goes his pleading eyes and reaction. "Sigurado ka?" naninimbang pang tanong niya.
There are times, yeah, I admit, I became like this... pero kung araw-arawin naman niya ang magmakaawa sa akin, this doesn't sit right. "I am not yet sure, but I will be. And that will be because of your attitude." pandederetso ko sa kaniya at tila natauhan naman siya. "I get it. I should be accepting who you are, and it is not also my obligation to accept who you are. But in my case, honestly, I don't find you attractive anymore."
That's a little too harsh... no, it was harsh.
Going back.
3 months. Let's say, I agreed to myself that I would still be waiting for him for just 3 months. 3 months. Pero dumaan na ang three months and pinagbigyan ko na siya for 4 months, kasi makulit ako. My compassionate side wants to sympathize. So, I've waited for 4 months, and still, no progress. I can't see any effort.
It's giving me some mixed signals and it doesn't make me comfortable. It irritates me. The pride I had was only a tip of a pin, and my patience was already declining.
I couldn't wait any longer, so I decided to stop. Just stop whatever I have for him and stop, because I feel like waiting for nothing. My patience will just go to waste, anyway. That's probably so much time to waste.
