a book of lovely words

|| 8

there's this boy
nothing really necessarily specifically special
he was kind to me, is kind to me
ever since I first came to this large, unfamiliar new school

and I assume that's when it started
it was a few minutes before computer exam started and he was sitting next to me during exam preperation
he looked over and asked if I knew what to study for
I didn't but while I made it clear, I was quiet about it
he helped me, pointing out things we were supposed to focus on
I got one of the highest marks in class

and I guess everything else came after that
I wonder if anyone has realized how soothing his voice is
I made it known to him yesterday, how I found his voice to be like a lullaby, like if the early hours of the night were to sound as we humans do
he thanked me and said how no one's ever told him that about him before

And my heart twists for him
this kind, gentle man who's made of the same words of books that my eyes struggle to pry away from
this soft-spoken, quiet man who's voice made my ears perk up to listen even if he were talking to another girl
this level-headed, shy man who I found out is one of the youngest in his large family and loves romance books and struggles to be heard

he told me that he's tried to talk to me before but he never really knew what to say
he and I both
he told me he's never flopped so bad during a debate before
that he was shaking so whenever he spoke

I asked him details of his previous debate, just to get to know him better
but he doesn't seem to recall
Jokingly, I asked what he did recall
"you," he answered simply, me being intimidating during debate

me as the first speaker
me as the person who stood up to counter the other side's points the most
me who was able to make up my own arguments without needing to read off the script
me who's last argument was the reason the other side accept defeat before the debate ended
and we avoided his answer after that

I've never really wrote poetry for another before
usually it's just for myself
I would die before I share this with him, though
because sharing this with him means admitting that
hey, I've been thinking of you
I arranged these words in the most beautiful way I knew how to
just so whoever reading this would see you the way I see you

and I feel so embarrassed
he must think I'm so silly
he must think I'm so weird and doubt if befriending me was the right idea at all
and yet here I am
falling for this man anyways

he will never know
I think it would be much better that way
it'll be much easier to part for him when his thoughts of me will be just a silly girl he befriended
and not the fool who'd willingly stopped swimming just to drown and call it love