My Prison of Tears

2. The void

What is this feeling?

Everyone fears something.

I fear the person I've become.

I fear the void.

I've never felt something like this before...

This is all so strange.

I had a boyfriend.

His name is Jaguar.

Jaguar and I loved each other so very much.

Until I started treating him like he didn't deserve to be happy.

He naturally lost interest a lot.

He still liked me just not as much as before (in quote) ...

...it led to us eventually taking a break.

and further down the line... we broke up.

I was devastated.

I felt I had lost something that could never be replaced.

I begged him to take me back.

but he said he couldn't.

not right now at least

I felt so heartbroken by his words.

then I felt a rage

I just wanted to prove to him that I could do without him.

A month later, I obtained a new boyfriend.

His name is Tiger.

At the beginning of me and Tiger's friendship

I only wanted to get back at Jaguar.

but during the month of my meeting Tiger,

I fell for him...

...Or so I thought.

when Tiger and I started dating

I didn't feel what I felt with all my previous boyfriends at the start of those relationships.

I felt a void.

I didn't know how that happened, but I knew something was wrong.

I kept silent.

No one knew about this void but me.

2 months later, school resumed.

I had successfully buried the voidness all this time.

but when I saw Jaguar's face again

The void returned.

Bigger and worse

And worst of all, I had to deal with constant teasing from Jaguar.

He flirted and bought gifts for my friends in front of me.

This hurt harder than you could ever imagine.

I am yet to tell Tiger I don't view him romantically anymore.

but I just can't find the words when we're together.

I don't want to hurt him, yet I must.

I have never been in a more difficult dilemma.

I love Jaguar yet I hate him.

I am glad we met yet I wish we never did.

I don't want to graduate yet I can't wait to leave and never see his face again.