The Three Stages

Chapter 5 (the present)

The war is going... downhill at best. Im starting to get thoughts to kill everything! And king.... king is dead... an angel named Lily killed him. Im scared! King said if anyone kills him he will curse them to be immortal! So that means that Lily is immortal now and sure the angels army is dwindleing down but so is ours! And mom died and now my brother is still alive but there has been some real close calls! Keith has been ok but... he's not the best. He did kill an angel so thats good! He did try to kill me aswell but thats ok. I've been so busy with fighting I almost forgot my name... well I did many times but I look at my journal and... I remember it and how good the past was.... I've cried so much recently and I felt weak! Its horrible but the more I kill and the more I lose the less I want to help and the less I feel guilt for killing! I im just so overwhelmed since im the best fighter now im the lead General... Oh right i should probably write how many i killed... i killed... 725 in the past... 7 weeks is how long this war has been going on and our army lost about 1,835 soliders out of 5,832 and the angels lost about 3,581 out of 7,583 so that means were... winning by five not the best but not the worst. Oh and I've stopped learning everything cause of this war so thats.. great I suppose! And of course I say that sarcastically. The whole reason i started this journal was to have a record of my life but im not sure if i even want to have one anymore! I mean do i even want a record of this war?! Its confusing and horrible and ive barely helped any angels and i feel so useless... My brother has been suportive but ive been chugging bottles of whiskey more and more..
Its horribly sick and twisted. Im loseing some of my emotions and i feel so.... sad all the time for some reason. Its difficult doing things but... i have something important some would call a... secret i stabbed god somehow! I don't know why but its like something took over my body and just stabbed him. I thought he was immortal but now im second guessing myself.. Maybe i should write down the date so i don't fully lose myself. Im just so overwhelmed and confused because i feel... more Powerful since i stabbed him it feels like.. i took some of his powers i also figured out i can shapeshift! I have been able to sneak attack the angels its.... confusing to say the least, i don't feel evil or... bad you know? Why am i talking to myself?! I dont understand my own mind right now... i cant even remember why i made this journal. At least..... i have them......