The Turmoil of Time

Chapter 11 - Damien

The Sun set an hour ago and Penny still hadn't messaged back. 

I know I screwed up. In the year since Penny and I started going out, we had only lied three times. All three times were when one of us was trying to surprise the other with some elaborate present. Now, Penny's rightfully hurt that I dented the trust that always came so easily to us.

Which is why I nervously stand at her door, hoping she's home and praying she'll open the door for my stupid self. It feels like several minutes before the lock twists and the door opens, revealing a stoic-looking Penny.

I try to muster a smile but, with the cold look she's shooting me, it falters.

"Can we talk?"

She steps to the side to allow me in, but she remains silent. She walks to her bedroom, and I follow. She sits on her bed, resting against the pillows. I close the door and sit at the opposite end of the mattress.

I sigh, "Penny, I know I screwed up. And I'm sorry. I don't even know why I pretended like my first interaction with Addison was in drama class."

"There has to be a reason," Penny finally responds. She opens her mouth to say something pauses, and then decides to continue, "Do you have a crush on her?"

"What? Of course not," I immediately deny. The mere thought is ludicrous. I barely even know this new Addison. "I love you and only you."

I reach towards her hand, relieved when she lets me hold it.

"Then why did you do it?"

I pause. I have to tell her why. Even if I don't entirely understand the reason myself.

I take a deep breath before continuing, "When we were in sixth grade, Addison's parents died in a car accident. Before that, I only knew her from school. She wasn't even in my class. But then she was put into the foster system, and somehow, only a few days later, was taken in by my neighbors at the time. She spent only three weeks there before her relative in another city was granted guardianship. But those three weeks," I took a shaky breath, remembering the time all too well. I closed my eyes, trying to block out the pain, "Those three weeks kept me sane."

Penny gives my hand a reassuring squeeze, "Damien, you don't have to continue if you don't want to. I understand and accept it if you can't." She warmly smiles at me, and I can't think of anything except how lucky I am to have such a considerate girlfriend. 

That thought also gives me the strength I need to continue, "How much have I told you about my brother, Alex?"

Penny is taken aback, obviously not expecting the sudden change in topics. Her eyes widen ever-so-slightly as she stammers, "Uh, you mentioned that he was your older brother and that he," She frowned, "That he took his own life when you were a kid."

I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it doesn't go down. 

Alex had been my whole world when I was growing up. My parents were usually busy with work so most days it would just be him and I watching television or running around in the backyard. Alex was the one who put food on a dinner plate for me and placed wet towels on my forehead when I'd get sick. 

"For the longest time, Alex suffered from depression. His medication had been working for a while. But then his mental state began to deteriorate when I was twelve. By the time Addison moved in next door, he wasn't doing well. My parents were constantly arguing because of it, so I was essentially spending all my time alone."

I always felt that I was one of the factors that made life hard for Alex. Even though he loved me, I'm sure having to take care of a kid couldn't have been easy on a teenager. It makes me feel guilty. Guilty that I may have been a reason. Guilty that I didn't understand what was happening at the time. Guilty that I couldn't stop him.