Good news I am STD and I free, bad news I'm still pregnant.
Nasir has been of great help and I appreciate it because I don't have anyone else to rely on, keeping him at arms length is becoming harder and harder and I honestly don't care to put up a fight anymore but I have to, maybe tomorrow because right now I'm laid out on his bed after a warm exfoliating shower while he massages oil into my skin, it feels so good way better than what I'm used to paying for.
A faint moan escapes me and I feel Nasir shift his weight, why is he so easily aroused by me? It's exciting but scary I really want to do the right thing and keep him as a friend but I also want him to fold me like a pretzel and fill me like a Twinkie, my mind sinks to the gutter whenever I'm around him and it's happening too often, I don't like it.
"What are you thinking about?" Nasir asks, I don't respond.
I can't.
We fall back into a comfortable silence which makes me sleepy.
"I wanna sleep." I drag myself out from under Nasir and turn over to face him.
"That's not what's been on your mind but ok." He shrugs his shoulders.
"It's nothing to worry about." I can feel myself getting irritated and Im not in the mood for an argument right now, not after I've been at peace.
"I have to worry because I might be thinking the same shit." He speaks with slight annoyance.
"We can't..."
"I know." Nasir leaves his room and I lay there staring at the closed door, I want to cry but for what?
My life has already been turned upside down by one man and I haven't even started flipping it back right side up yet I don't need another one, doesn't matter how perfect he seems. Maybe it can just be sex? Realistically it's never just sex even if it starts out that way feelings always end up getting involved, I think I'm doing Nasir a favor because I haven't healed how can I commit to anything sexual or romantic and I'm not in the right frame of mind? He should be man enough to understand and accept I'm not ready.
"You owe me so much pussy!" Nasir barges back into his room huffing and puffing. "I'm tired beating my dick." Pause... isn't he Muslim?
"Are you Muslim?" Nasir rolls his eyes then turns and walks back out of the room.
Ok?
iMessage From 302-333-1281: wya?
There's no one I can think of that should be texting me from an unknown number unless...
iMessage To 302-333-1281: ????
iMessage From 302-333-1281: it yo man, although u mad at me rn I'm just checking on u
My man? Blocked. Tossing my phone to the side I climb out of Nasir's bed and exit his room in search of him. When I find him he's laid out on the floor of his living room eating hot Cheetos and loading up his game, great now he's going to be on there all day.
"I'm gonna go home for a bit I need to pack." This was a lie and a truth, I do need to pack but I wasn't going home to pack.
"Ight." He doesn't even look at me. "Lemme know if you need help." Still doesn't look at me.
Did I offend him by asking about his religion? I hope not.
📍Franklin Residence
When I make it home I'm surprised to see the driveway empty, usually Tre and his friends would be parked out here by now it used to be an everyday thing but I guess that's over, good for me I don't need that in my life right now I may still have to deal with my brother though.
"You're back home?" My brother greets me as I enter my room, he's be in here this entire time and by the looks of it he's been crying a lot.
"Guess." My eyes move around my room taking everything in, he's been digging through my stuff as well.
"I been waiting to talk to you."
"I know." My brother sighs heavily.
"Yes I knew Tre was cheating and yes I was wrong for not saying anything about it and you have every right to be mad at me but I promise I didn't know he hit you please believe that." My brother started breathing heavily probably fighting off more tears. "I was honestly under the impression you knew and let it be because you trusted him with your secret and felt like he was the only person for you." Do I really look stupid and desperate from the outside? "I cut him off doesn't mean much for all the shit I stayed silent about but I really didn't know he hit you and I'm not bout to stay friends with him after that." Knowing he's somewhat miserable soothed be a bit but I'd never forgive him or tre.
I can't.
"I... I really don't know what to say I haven't processed the last couple days yet and adding this conversation onto everything else it's just too much for me." My brother nodded his head, I watched as he stood up grabbed his stuff then left my room.
I wish I could disappear right now.
Moving over to my closet I started pulling down all my clothes and shoes, my mind is still made up about leaving.
iMessage From Nasir: yo fatass, u hungry?
Since when was I fat?
iMessage To Nasir: I'm fat now?
iMessage From Nasir: wym now? 😂 I'm getting Wingstop
iMessage To Nasir: I don't find you funny🧍🏾♀️10 piece hot honey rub with the corn and a Dr Pepper.
I hate fries from Wingstop they're always so soggy and I don't like the seasoning, also whenever I order the fries well done with no seasoning they always burn them, I feel like it's on purpose like how dare you not like our fries.
My stomach turned at the sight of the black plastic bag that fell out from under a box I pulled out, the clothes I wore when Tre took my virginity are inside that bag my eyes pricked with tears and I felt the urge to throw up, I hope he wasn't already sleeping around when I let him have me because I would truly be sick.
I grabbed the bag and threw in into the pile of other stuff I had to throw out, would I really throw out such a powerful memory?
I should.
"Fat ass delivery for my fat ass friend." Nasir cut me out of my thoughts and I furiously wiped at my eyes not wanting to talk to him about that.
"I'm not fat." Nasir rolled his eyes at me as he walked over to my stereo, he hooked his phone up and redrum by 21 savage started playing that's one of Tre favorite songs, I won't say anything and ruin his moment.
I ate at my computer desk while Nasir walked around my room food in hand vibing to the music.
Did I really offend him by asking about his religion? He seems ok now but earlier I can't help but think I did, also I want to tell him about the conversation I had with my brother but if he was upset and seems ok now I don't want to say anything to upset him again.
"What are you thinking so deeply about?" Nasir moved over to me, I shook my head. "You're lying." He leaned in and sucked ranch off my bottom lip.
Wingstop ranch is that good but I know that's not the reason he did that.
"I'm good Nasir." He seemed caught off guard by me calling him Nasir, I've used his name before but maybe it was my tone of voice that threw him off?
"Whenever you wanna talk I'll listen." He pecked my cheek then went back to his food and music.
I was craving more than a peck on the cheek but again that's a line I'm not willing to cross.
