My room was finally packed up aside from the essentials I needed till I was ready to move, that's been on hold these past couple days because I'm having a hard time finding a place I'm trying not to be picky but I still have to be smart, also these past couple days my brother has paid more attention to me than he did all these years for a moment things felt like a regular loving sibling relationship but my brain won't let me forget I'm supposed to hate him.
Then there's Nasir...
My eyes drifted over to the man sprawled across my bed head under pillow while he sleeps, my heart yearns for him but it can't have him and Tre...
Should I tell Tre?
No, would he even care? Probably not, Tre is clearly incapable of caring about anyone that isn't hisself maybe he'll try to take advantage of the situation and try to use the baby to get close to me or use it as a weapon against me, would he hit me again if I told him? Maybe he'll accusing me of getting pregnant by someone else and... just stop Levi.
Fuck Tre.
Block A to E Bagatelle Gardens there was one townhouse available three bedrooms one and a half baths I wanted it that's my final decision and Nasir better not spook me out of it, taking a deep breath I responded to the opening and closed my laptop now all I have to do is wait for a response hopefully they say yes.
What do I do now? I let my mind wonder as I spun myself around aimlessly in my computer chair, how did everything go so wrong overnight? How did I not notice? Why would no one tell me the truth? That's part of the reason I'm not so eager to jump in bed with Nasir he knew and said nothing he didn't owe it to me because we weren't cool at the time but the fact that we used to be friends should've meant something or maybe just be a decent human being, nothing can top my own brother knowing and staying silent.
Looking over at Nasir who was still asleep I decided if I should wake him or not, I probably shouldn't especially since my only reason for wanting to wake him is boredom finally deciding not to I grab his car keys and left, my car is out of gas for some strange reason the tank was on half the beginning of the week now it's empty I didn't even use it this week, I hope nothing is wrong with that damn car I can't take more shit in my life turning upside down.
Nasir's car roared to life and I took off. I hate driving car crazy people vehicles everything is always tweaked to suit their needs makes me scared to touch anything but I need some music, after I set up the Bluetooth I hit shuffle on Apple Music and Scarred From Love came on I wish I could smoke right now, I was never big on weed but I can admit they're times when you have to hit the blunt and this is one of them.
I drove aimlessly around town trying to clear my head but it's not working and it's not working because I used to do this with Tre, whenever I wouldn't open up to him he'd drive me around while I just sat and think, why was my life so centered around that man? I punch the wheel out of frustration almost swerving.
"I fucking hate Tre." I screamed my frustration as I sped up. "I fucking hate Tre." This time I rolled the window down and screamed even louder. "Fuck Tre!" A smile crept onto my face and I laughed as I settled back down, that felt good.
I turned into the parking lot of the local Chinese place and got out.
iMessage To Nasir: I'm getting Chinese, you want anything from here?
iMessage From Nasir: first you stole my car now you're trying to bribe me
Bribe? I chuckled to myself as I began typing up my response.
"Who got you smiling at yo shit like that?" The smile instantly fell from my face as I heard Tre's voice.
iMessage From Nasir: fried chicken wings, shrimp lo mein and a side of sweet and sour sauce, THE RED ONE
Seeing that text notification from Nasir kind of boosted me, I sucked in a breath and stepped around Tre he tried to grab my arm but I pulled away. Once at the counter I placed my order and kept texting Nasir to keep myself distracted from Tre, he was staring me down mad hard.
"That better not be that Muslim piece a shit you texting." Tre was suddenly in my space grabbing my face and forcing me to look up at him.
"And if it is?" My brother appeared out of nowhere, please tell me these two weren't hanging out after everything.
"Not you playing hero again." Tre rolled his eyes as he slowly backed away from my brother, he's scared of my brother?
"If niggas would keep their hands to themselves I wouldn't have to." My brother took one giant step which put him right in Tre face.
"You orda done." The lady behind the counter yelled startling me a bit, I took my food and headed for the exit then I stopped.
"Let's go León." My brother always hated his first name, it's too girly for a real nigga according to him.
My brother shoved Tre to the floor then turned and followed me out, he didn't have to do that sometimes little shit like that could have big consequences.
"I'm sorry." My brother stopped me from walking. "I know you a lil peace maker or whatever I shouldn't have acted out in front of you and this the second time I slipped up." He mumbled the last part probably not wanting me to hear it but I did.
"Ok? What if I wasn't there?" My brother laughed turned and walked away.
What's so funny? Violence isn't always the answer that's how people end up dead or in jail especially when you lack self control. Already giving up on the situation I got in Nasir's car and headed back home.
I didn't even check the order to make sure it was right, I hope it is.
When I get back home my brothers car was already parked in the driveway I just stopped and stared because there's no way, either I drive slow or he drives fast maybe there's another way home because he didn't pass me on the road.
"What's it matter to you?" I peeped into my room and my brother was laying across my bed talking to Nasir.
"He probably doesn't think it and I know it doesn't look like it but I do love my brother and I care about him that shit with Tre never should've happened and I don't wanna see him hurt again especially by someone that knows better." Nasir sighs.
"It's nothing sexual or romantic I'm just being there for him cause he feels lonely right now." My brother nods.
I hide around the corner and wait for the conversation to be over and for my brother to leave so I don't run into him and make it obvious I was eavesdropping.
Nasir didn't acknowledge me when I walked in he was deep in thought so I set our food to the side and straddled him.
"Thoughts?" He dug his nails into my hips for whatever reason. "Ow." I playfully said but he ignored me just kept thinking, I'm too hungry for this shit.
Climbing off his lap I make my way over to my now empty study desk and sat down to eat, I got the same as him just to try it and I hope it's good because I hate spending money on trash food.
"You decided where you moving to yet?" Nasir joined me at the desk, I nodded my head.
The room soon fell silent and it was my turn to be deep in thought. Just there for him because he feels lonely right now, is it me attaching myself to another man just for knowing my secret or does he not like me like that?
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AN// this chapter was so poorly written, literally eww. I'll fix it before I get too deep into the book.
