Due to Saylors new inability to get even a wink of sleep she made the decision to make breakfast for herself and the Cameron boy who remained in dream land upstairs.
There wasn't many thing Saylor could confidently make without running the risk of food poisoning but one of thing she knew how to make were pancakes.
Pancakes were hers and Popes thing, but now it seemed she didn't have a Pope to have a thing with anymore. The thought sent her spiralling, all of the friendships she held so close now gone.
Everything... everyone in her life seemed to fall apart. No matter how hard she tried or how hard she distanced herself nothing changed. It was inevitable.
"There you are." Rafe joined Saylor in the kitchen still wearing the joggers and hoodie he had slept in. "Saylor I think your pancakes burning." He warned her as smoke began to rise from the pan.
Saylor continued to stare at the pan, not even blinking when the smoke reached her eyes. That's when Rafe realised she wasn't mentally in the room anymore and probably hadn't been for a while.
He leant over and twisted the silver nozzle to turn of the hob and stop the smoke before the fire alarm went off, then he turned his attention to the girl who was so deeply stuck inside her own head her eyes had glazed over.
"Princess" it had been at least a month since he had used the pet name but it didn't feel foreign on his tongue. Rafe didn't want to startle her out of her disassociated state so slowly and gently placed a hand on her shoulder.
Saylor blinked when the final part of his palm came into contact with her skin. She wasn't aware of how long she had been zoned out for but she could smell the charred pancake. "Hey, your up." She rotated her head to look at him and gave a kind smile.
"Yeah, followed the smell of pancakes to find you." It was clear that Saylor didn't want to talk about the state he had found her in and he understood that. He knew what it was like to have everyone trying to dissect your business when all you really want is just to feel normal, even if it's just for a few seconds.
"I was gonna take them to you upstairs but seen as your here now you can grab the orange juice from the fridge."
Rafe listened to the blonde girl and made his way to the fridge but not before grabbing two plates from the cupboard. The plates were in a cupboard overhead and due to Saylors injured arm she would have struggled to grab them herself so he figured he'd save her the hassle.
The lid closed after Saylor dumped the burnt pancake into the bin. "Oh, thank you." She once again sent Rafe a smile when she noticed he had gotten the plates out for her.
"Same seats?" He stood with the two glasses of orange juice in his hands as he awaited her answer.
"Same seats." Saylor confirmed with a small nod. Every family meal they had shared in that house they had sat in the same seats, the final seats on the right on opposite sides so they were facing each other.
Rafe headed to the table making sure to pull out her chair before walking around the table and too his seat.
"This cast is turning out to be pretty useful." Saylor joined him at the table with a plate safely balanced on her green cast and the other in her free hand.
Rafe simply let out a small chuckle at the sight and leaned over the table to grab the plate from her cast so she could sit down without dropping pancakes all over the floor.
The room was silent for a moment except a few happy groans as they enjoyed their pancakes. Saylor was the first to break it. "How did you sleep?"
Rafe finished his bite of food before answering. "Surprisingly well." It wasn't that surprising, he always slept well when she was by his side. "Thank you for staying."
"No worries."
"What about you, how did you sleep?" Rafe knew the answer to his question, he knew she hasn't slept. It was clear by the dark bags under her eyes and the way she was tossing and turning all night yet he wanted her to open up when she felt ready.
"I couldn't sleep." Saylor answered honestly, she figured there was no point in lying she was aware or how exhausted she looked.
"Hm" Rafe took another bite of his pancake, he was shocked she hadn't tried to cover up her restless night. "Any reason why?" Now that was a question he didn't know the answer too, sure he knew she had been through a shit tone of trauma but he still felt like there was something bigger at play.
Saylor placed her fork on the table beside her plate and bought her lip between her teeth. She contemplated wether or not she wanted to tell him, but she knew if anyone could understand it would be him. "I did something awful."
"Look who your taking too, whatever it is I've probably done it... twice." Rafe was fully aware of the incredibly horrid things he had done in his life, all the mistakes he had made that he could never rectify. He was sure that whatever Saylor had done he could either relate to or one up.
Rafe had done it before, and that's the exact reason she told him. No one could help her the way he could. "I killed someone."
Saylors eyes rapidly scanned over every inch of his face to gage his reaction but he didn't move a muscle.
"To save who?"
Saylor loved people with her entire being, he knew that. He had the pleasure of being the recipient of her never ending love at one point. He knew she would kill for someone she loved if it came down to it, he just never thought it would.
"That doesn't matter." Saylor shook her head refusing to tell him, she didn't want to fuel any negative feelings towards Sarah. "I killed someone, somebody who had friends, and a family. Someone who showed me kindness before even knowing me. He didn't deserve to die Rafe and I killed him."
"You took a life to save a life. That doesn't make you an evil person Saylor, it makes you someone who made a hard decision in a shitty situation." He pushed his plate to the side so he was able to take Saylors hand in his own.
"When does it stop." Saylor looked at Rafe with tear filled eyes and a hopeful expression, hopeful that he can provide the answer she so desperately wanted, but he couldn't.
He immediately knew what she was taking about. The gut wrenching guilt, the grief, the shame, the nightmares, the flash backs. "It doesn't stop." Rafe saw the light dwindling behind her eyes at his words. "But you learn to live with it."
"What if I can't... what if I can't live with it."
The sound of the doorbell broke through their emotional bubble. Saylor pushed herself to her feet and wiped her eyes. "I'll get it."
Rafe watched Saylor leave the dining room with nothing but the feeling of fear consuming him at her last words.
.·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·.
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