Silver Lining

eight.

TW/ sexual harassment in the second part of this chapter, when you get to the stars, don't read if it will trigger you!

After last night I wish I could say I slept well, but it so happens that it was quite the opposite. My night was spent tossing and turning, and for the first time in this pregnancy, I woke from my sleep rushing for the toilet. Not to be sick, but to simply pee, and now I can't sleep at all.

I wish I could walk around this house without the feeling of not belonging here because if I were at my old apartment, I would have made a drink and settled in front of the sofa already. I feel stuck in this room until someone comes and gets me, and I don't know when that feeling is ever going to lift. I know as long as I continue this tiptoeing, the worse it's going to get. I haven't even made myself food in the week I've been living here.

After a minute or so of shutting my eyes, my stomach growls with hunger and I whine, "Really babies, you're really doing this to me?"

It's five-thirty am; half an hour has passed since my original wake-up call, so I know I'm beyond getting back to sleep now. Instead of wallowing, I decide to bite the bullet and go downstairs; the babies need food, I need food and I'm living here now, I need to walk around this place without feeling so anxious all the time.

It doesn't help that part of the anxiety I'm feeling is due to last night and what happened between Nathan and me. Not so much the sexual stuff, I'm an adult about that, but the conversation we had afterwards. I know I upset him and it's lying heavy; I feel like in their own way, the babies are forcing me to go to talk to their dad because we know he's down there already.

I could just go to the kitchen, make a snack and go back to bed, but I don't. I open the door to the basement and the sound of him working out tells me he's down there.

He turns back at the sound of me coming down the stairs, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep and the babies wanted a snack."

"So, you came and saw me," he grins, and I scoff, rolling my eyes. "Only telling you what I see."

"How are you so lively this early on a morning?"

"Routine, I'm used to it; this is like your nine am," he says, and I gasp, offended. "Am I lying?"

"I don't go to sleep sometimes until three am, you can't expect any more from me, dude," I laugh before the realisation hits, "Speaking of, I have my last shift tonight at Saints, so no more late nights."

"How are you feeling about that?"

"Sad, I'm going to miss it, but I know it's the best thing now I'm pregnant."

Once I knew I was staying officially in New York, I tried to retract my resignation but because it had already been three weeks, all they could do was delay it a week and give me some cover shifts. After today, I'm unemployed and looking for a job for the first time in three years, but this time I'm pregnant and no employer will want me under the circumstances.

"It'll all be okay, Iris," he tries to comfort me, realising I'm not as positive as I'm making out to be.

"Will it?" I ask more myself than him. "I feel like my life is genuinely crumbling around me; I've lost my apartment, I've lost my job; I'm living with you now rent-free, and I've already fucked that up. Like, are we even okay after last night?"

He walks away from his weights and stops in front of me, taking my hands in his, "Breathe with me a second," he demands and I look in his eyes, "Just breathe."

"Fine," I stubbornly say.

"I can answer what I do know and that is we're okay, Iris, nothing about last night has changed anything because believe it or not, we've already slept together. I had already tasted you before, I had kissed you and though it didn't happen last night, you've had my cock in this mouth of yours as well. Nothing will change us, I can't look at you and forget that night never happened because it did."