Silver Lining

fourteen.

It's been four quick weeks since we found out one baby was two at my first scan, and it's been a whirlwind ever since. I adjusted to the fact I was having twins quite quickly; I've fallen in love with them, but what I've found the most challenging is knowing how much my body is going to change because of it. Am I ready for that? No, I don't think I am, but if I ever say this out loud I know I'll sound selfish; I'm able to carry these babies, and I shouldn't complain.

I've always struggled with loving myself, so I was an idiot to expect my mentality would change because this involves growing my babies. It sounds pathetic because I know I shouldn't care because the end goal is two healthy babies, not worrying how my body will look after it. I don't hate how I look right now, I'm falling in love with my bump; I love seeing it grow, it's just the niggling thought of it afterwards that keeps me from sleeping sometimes.

My sickness is getting better, I'm still throwing up at least once every day, but it's not after every meal like it used to be, which has to be the best part of approaching the second trimester.

My thoughts are broken when an incoming call rings through the system in Nathan's car, and he answers with no hesitation.

"Hey, what's up?" he asks, slipping into a different lane.

"Just seeing how the old man is preparing for tomorrow," I recognise Dan's voice from when I met him at the wedding.

"I'm three years older than you, does my maturity scare you?"

"Very," he laughs in response to Nathan's question.

Nathan shakes his head, "To answer your question, I'm preparing just fine, spending four hours in the gym daily, eating well, and being at the rink three times a week; I have no nerves."

"Bloody hell," his British accent comes out, "I've not hit the ice since the beginning of August, mate."

"And you're ringing me criticising?" Nathan laughs, turning into the parking lot of the doctors.

"More so comparing," he notes, "I'll get to the rink today, you got any time to go through some drills?"

"I don't, me and Iris have her twelve-week scan, but give one of the others a ring, someone will be there today," he tells him.

"Hope the babies are both as perfect as you. See you, Fields!"

"See you tomorrow, Hanson."

Nathan disconnects the call just as we pull into a parking spot, with five minutes until my appointment spare.

"I think Nova looks most like you," I say out loud, though I know it's a broad claim considering I have no idea what Lucy, their mother looked like.

"She does, I agree; Elise looks most like their mom, I'll show you a picture," he grabs his phone from the centre console.

He scrolls back on his camera roll to 2019 when Addie was a few months old, and he shows me a picture of Lucy holding Addie and Elise kissing her on the cheek.

She had long, wavey brunette hair and I see all of the girls in her facial features, there's no denying that at all. The dimple in her cheek, the natural beauty about her, she was undeniably beautiful.

"She was gorgeous, Nathan," I hold no jealousy, just genuinity.

"She was," he nods, putting his phone away.

"Who do you think our babies will look like?"

"They'll likely have my hair because brown is a dominant hair colour over blonde, but I hope they have your face; I'd love to see you through our babies," he says with a smile.