ACT OF LOVE | gayeon

COMFORT: 10

The evening was cold, it was already March and the snow outside was completely melting. The two boys were sitting together in a room, wrapped in a blanket, doing nothing out of the ordinary except for talking about this and that and drinking hot tea.

It had been over a month since Jungsu's death and yet it still wasn't always easy; visiting his grave always meant shedding tears for Jiseok and the others (although the others went to the cemetery to remember their friend much less often). Jiseok still cried a lot, although the frequency of it was starting to decrease (slowly, yet successfully) - and the boy mainly owed it to Jooyeon, who tried hard to help him and showed him all the support he could. When it seemed to him that wallowing in sadness was not enough, he was there and helped him understand that he shouldn't hurt himself, that he was not at fault and that Jungsu would never want something to happen to him, because he liked him very much.

Once, Jiseok even told him about what happened on Auntie's balcony, he told him that he was afraid that he had been hurting Jungsu unintentionally for a long time and that because of this, sometimes he felt that he was responsible for his death, but Jooyeon didn't think so. Jiseok didn't do anything wrong, and Jungsu—even if he liked him a little more—didn't commit suicide because of him. Jiseok slowly allowed himself to think that maybe Jooyeon was right. After all, it must have been his parents who were heartless and didn't treat him normally, not him. He was a good friend to Jungsu who tried his best to make Jungsu feel happy.

Less than two months have passed and so much has happened - everyday life has been turned upside down, and in addition to deteriorating mental health, there were also poor grades in the exam session, but luckily they both managed to pass - just barely. Although Jiseok even thought about giving up his studies because he was slowly not coping with it anymore, he failed to do so because Jooyeon encouraged him to postpone this thought until later, to make it to the end of the year, and at the same time forced him to study together in the library. Strangely, this turned out to be an effective method.

They were now sitting side by side under a thick and cozy blanket, gazing outside the window at the observing view. They could see the snow slowly melt away and the flower buds appear on the trees making way for the first signs of the upcoming season.

At that moment, they held each other very close. As the sun licked their uncovered skin, they smiled at each other slightly. The two of them stayed like that for a while, snuggled in each other's arms, before daring to say anything.

"Have you ever wondered what is that you felt to me?" was the first thing Jiseok heard from him after a long eye contact.

These words rang between their lips as both of them decided to think on their own, Jiseok wondering why the boy asked him such a thing, Jooyeon desperately wanting him to answer but all he could do was swallow hard.

"Um, well..." Gaon took a breath not knowing how to put his thoughts into words. "Our relationship has always been kind of complicated," he let this statement swirl in the air for a while making Jooyeon look with his eyes squinted at him. "And, I, to be sincere, knew that I might like you quite more than I like any other person in the whole world. You make me feel safe, appreciated and... loved."

What was breathing? Let alone thinking. All Jooyeon could process now was the lovely words coming from Jiseok's mouth and the feeling of his hand slowly wrapping around his own. If breathing and thinking existed, he forgot about it. All he knew was Jiseok and his ice-cold hand.

"It's hard to explain this feeling just in words," he continued with his other hand putting Jooyeon's hair behind his ear. "You are someone I really appreciate..." he whispered and the mentioned boy felt his body warming up.

He wanted to say something just like Jiseok did but instead, he was choked up and could only look at him next to him. Because what was talking? Or anything else.