Forever lost

5

December 6.

It's been three days since Lilly supposedly obtained the address of her adoptive parents' house. In these three days, Lilly has faced numerous doubts about what to do next. On one hand, meeting this family won't change anything in her future – they returned her to the system. On the other hand, knowing who took care of her in her early years intrigues her, and finally putting a face to these people could close many chapters, healing some of her internal wounds.

Another factor to consider is the supposed cold she has been dealing with in the past few days, which, instead of improving, seems to be getting worse. Tonight, Lilly has spent it by the toilet bowl, as waves of nausea hit her every twenty minutes, ending in vomiting.

Awakened by the sun's rays streaming through a bathroom window, Lilly looks dreadful. Disheveled hair, unkempt clothes with a hint of vomit smell, and dark circles under her brown eyes. She doesn't even have time to notice her appearance when another wave of nausea hits, and she leans over the toilet to vomit.

After wiping her mouth, Lilly takes a few moments to compose herself. When she opens her eyes again, she notices something reddish in her peripheral vision. Upon closer inspection, she realizes it's blood – great, she's vomiting blood. While she should probably see a doctor, the orphanage likely doesn't have insurance, and she can't afford the cost.

Despite trying not to worry about the blood, it's frightening. Vomiting blood is never a good sign, and a slight tingling in Lilly's stomach adds to her nervousness.

Taking her time to calm down, Lilly, without bothering to clean the blood traces, realizes she has no one to worry about her.

A few minutes later, feeling a bit of respite in her stomach, she struggles to her feet with the help of the wall and tries to tidy up the space as much as possible.

Leaving the bathroom, Lilly encounters groups of children walking through the orphanage. Christmas vacation has begun, explaining the increased crowd. Wearily, Lilly crawls to her room. Some of the girls sleeping there laugh at her state, which would usually lead to insults or arguments from Lilly, but in her current condition, she lacks the energy. She collapses onto her bed, covering herself with blankets. Blindly reaching out, she searches for her book. Upon opening it, she forgets the book entirely, as her childhood photo serves as a bookmark. Seeing the photo reignites the doubt in Lilly – maybe she should go, just to see if they are still there, perhaps ask a few questions, and that's it – close a chapter and move on.

With the decision made, Lilly gets up, quickly changes into jeans and an old sweatshirt, and gathers what she thinks she might need in her backpack.

"Are you really going after all?" Just as Lilly is about to leave, she faces Adella. Seeing Lilly preparing to leave, Adella seems to tense for a moment but conceals it well enough for Lilly not to notice.

"Yes," Lilly says, attempting to leave, but Adella moves to the center, blocking her way. "I have to go. Can you let me through?" She tries to ask as politely as possible, but the girl is starting to annoy her.

"Sure." Adella steps aside to let Lilly pass, but as Lilly begins walking down the street toward the bus stop, Adella surprises her by appearing spontaneously by her side. "I thought I'd accompany you. It might be dangerous," she says casually.

Lilly doesn't have the energy to argue with her, so she simply shrugs and continues on her way to the subway entrance.

The two girls descend the stairs and hop over the turnstiles. Once the subway arrives, they board without saying a word. Adella appears visibly nervous, while Lilly seems on the verge of fainting at any moment.