Re: Zero Ghoul

25# Remember

Subaru walked through the busy encampment. Now, passably clean, dressed with his uniform, and sword on his waist. The cool night giving way to the first lights of dawn, warming his face.

His "bath" had done its job, which was just pouring buckets of water over him until most of the grime fell off. Fighting the White Whale almost naked, and covered in gore was an experience he would rather leave behind.

So, donning his white and blue uniform, plus Roswaal's gift sword, Subaru strode with decision around soldiers hauling supplies and picking up their gear. Some of them at the sidelines, as well as those who passed by, gave him welcoming smiles, or thanks for all he had done. Also, a couple of times, older soldiers even stopped him to profusely thank him, and rejoice in the closure they finally got after so long. Some had reddened eyes.

Everyone was happy, and so hopeful... No one hesitated, nor quieted in fear close to Subaru. He was a friend. He had done good. The mood was infectious!

Subaru knew he walked with his chin up. Not that he... Well...

A ghoul is still a ghoul..., he continued. He still kept walking proud of his deed. And politely replying to his comrades.

Slowly, he crossed the part most busy, and neared the one were those severely wounded rested. And beyond, those who had died.

Rem had wanted to follow him, and Subaru had to decline. This was an unusual private  thing and he didn't feel comfortable letting her getting involved in it.

Although, there were some soldiers already there. Mourning the losses.

Twenty dead. Twenty blankets covering the bodies, if one didn't count the dead earth dragons, and ligers.

Grieving people gathered around many corpses. One cat-man was staring very still at what seemed to be his dead liger. Two men sat closely to a covered body, drinking together, sometimes spilling a third cup right beside to their dead friend. Wilhelm was with another group, talking with a stoic face.

There was a price for a swift fight against the White Whale. Subaru had asked around, and knew seven had been eaten (and retrieved too late), three crushed under the mabeast, and ten shot by mist.

Only twenty dead for killing the White Whale sounded too good to be true. Although, if Subaru tried again, maybe he could reduce that number... No. If he tried again, some other people would be under those blankets. Perhaps more, perhaps less. He would not abuse Return by Death to reach 'perfect' results, he was already looking at the best case scenario. Letting things be, this time, was right. For peace of mind, and for caution.

Anyway, here they were. Twenty dead. To never come back.

Subaru stood there, observing, and internalizing the loss. Thinking who was under those blankets. What happened throughout their lives? What were their names? What people were they leaving behind?

And talking about dead people... Subaru and his parents nearly killed two hundred so that they could live on, with little to no thought. Not much different compared to the White Whale...

He had killed many innocent people.

How to make up for that? That was the problem. One couldn't. It was a stain that would last forever, no matter how much good he did. Or how many lives he saved.

Besides, any forgiveness that could be had, was firstly given from within, and Subaru would never consider himself fully innocent or forgiven. Whether people kept him around, or brand him as a criminal, was another story.

Now, doing whatever amount of good seemed like the most logical choice.

Stopping the White Whale, and the cult, to save lives... Was this fate? Convenience? An act of genuine personal good will? Ugh, this was getting tiring.