How do I break the news to Berry that I'm swerving her vampire hunt to go on a date with the vampire we're hunting. I'm not saying I won, but like look who found her first heheeeeh 🤪. Jokes
Right scalliess
Lydia: Hey Berry, I can't do today I accidentally double booked myself lmao Berry: Oh ok, I'll go myself dw
Shit shit shit. Shit fuck. Shit.
Lydia: No pleasssee don't, I wanna go together just like next week plzzzz Berry: Fine ig. What are you doing today then? Lily: Not a date. Lily: You can rule that one out Lydia: Erm it acc is a date so fuck off hoeless Lily: You're messing me bro how'd you manage that one Lydia: Something called looking gay dk if you've heard of it Lily: Well I prefer something called not getting hate crimed so xx Lily: What's her name then Lyds Lily: Oh and how tf did you meet her I'm guessing you didn't make the first move Lydia: I was just out in town and she asked for my snap, nothing special Lily: You're special Lydia: Actually that's ableist so stfu 🤓
Right that's enough. Time to get dressed.
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I feel like this is the dateiest dress I own. I have super vampy dresses but idk if that's like offensive or something. Actually great question, why do so many vampires dress like that is it like a trend to them or does being a vampire just make you REALLY emo. I use the term emo very loosely by the way. This with a leather jacket should be sound, and just my docs will do. I'm so excited.
At the date.
Lydia: So why do so many vampires dress like that? Marlene: I don't know. I think there's a lot of factors, like it being a way of signaling to other vampires, or wearing black for stealth at night, or just the fact that lesbians have the tendency to just be a bit gothic. Lydia: Lesbians? Marlene: Well yes, Vampirism is a lesbian STI. Lydia: AN STI?!
I realise that although I'm far away from people hearing us talk normally, they can definitely hear me shouting, I give the waiter behind the counter a feeble 'sorry' smile and he goes back to cleaning plates.
Lydia: So did all the vampires in Liverpool just get it from some lesbian who came to the city?
Blank stare. Wait a minute. That's a suspicious look not a confused one. Did she...?
Lydia: Did you start vampirism in Liverpool? Marlene: I DIDN'T realise that's how it worked okay? And I was... Lydia: Horny? Marlene: That's not the words I'd use but... yes. Lydia: You still kinda talk old timey, When are you from? Marlene: I was born in 1788. Lydia: Crikey. And so all the vampires round here are how old? Marlene: I moved to Liverpool in 1920 and I found a discreet lesbian club near where you met me for the first time. This was a time where lying about your age was easy, so there were plenty of people my human age who were there. One thing let to another and I'd say the oldest vampires in Liverpool are about 120. I'm 235. Lydia: Bear with me 'cause my maths is NOT good, Your "human age" is about 17? Marlene: Yes. Biologically I'm 17. Lydia: So this isn't illegal.
She smirks at me and leans in.
Marlene: What isn't illegal?
Hbjkbjkslftfghhhh.
Lydia: You know I should warn you, My mate Berry is the one who found your castle and she's a- Marlene: Vampire hunter. I know. What do you suppose I do about her then? Lydia: I'll hold her off for as long as I can but be careful. Marlene: I will. I promise. I should probably make as many rooms in my house look abandoned as I can. Just in case. Lydia: I'll help. Let's go to your gaff! Marlene: I um... I flew here and that's not exactly something you can do. Lydia: Then take the bus with me! It's only like £1.30. Wait, what do you do for money? Marlene: some vampires have jobs, but most just hypnotise large companies for money, just enough to pay the bills, not a suspicious amount. Or I'll go to a Liverpool players house and hypnotise them for all the money they get from playing their next game. Lydia: Siiiiiiiick. Let's go!
