dont... || yuyeon

don't cry too hard

"Shh, I think she's sleeping," Shuhua, one of Yuqi's best friends, whispered to her girlfriend, Miyeon.

Soyeon sat up in her and Yuqi's bed. She sighed, long and sharp, her eyes staring blankly at Shuhua. "I'm not asleep." She ran a hand through her short, raven-black hair, eyes slightly crazed. How am I supposed to sleep knowing I have to go to her funeral today and face the fact that I'm never going to see her again?

"Soyeon?" she hadn't noticed Miyeon come closer to her, touching her forehead. "Shit, you're burning up." she exclaims quietly, going to the kitchen to fetch a cold rag.

Shuhua plopped down on the bed next to Soyeon, making the older girl hiss. "Get off!" Shuhua stands, wondering what had suddenly made Soyeon yell so loudly. Soyeon stared at the left side of the bed, unable to help the tears that spilled from her eyes. "S-she sits th-there.." she cried, her frail body shaking.

Shuhua took a deep breath, just seeing Soyeon's slim figure reminded her of what had happened yesterday. She'd almost gotten her arm chopped off from trying to force her to eat something.

"She wouldn't want to see you like this," Shuhua murmurs, "You should get cleaned up before we have to go."

And Soyeon just let herself be dragged into the bathroom, her eyes shut tight the entire time Shuhua bathed her. She couldn't bear to see again the blood stains that Minnie couldn't quite clean from the white bathroom tiles.

~

She had really tried to stay strong in front of Yuqi's parents that had flown all the way from China to attend Yuqi's funeral. But she couldn't. In fact, it just made her sob harder, seeing two people who looked so much like her. She couldn't look at the framed picture of Yuqi that rested in the middle of countless bouquets of flowers. She couldn't bring herself to let go of the ring in her hands and place it on top of her dead body. So, she kept it, slipping it onto her own slimy finger, wet from wiping her tears and snot over and over.

Minnie helped her and Yuqi's mother walk with the people who carried her coffin to the burial site that Soyeon had chosen. It was a nice, secluded place with beautiful, colorful flowers swishing faintly everytime the wind blew. Yuqi would've loved it here.

Soyeon was silent throughout the whole process of the shaman blessing her spirit, everyone paying their respects, and sharing memories of her. Soyeon could only stare at the black and white coffin, thinking that if she wished hard enough, she wouldn't be here right now. That Yuqi wouldn't be...

"Are you okay?" Minnie asked, a hand on her shoulder.

"Do I look like I'm okay?"

She got Minnie's big, strong arms wrapped around her in response. For the first time in two days, Soyeon's tensed muscles relaxed and she tucked her face comfortably into Minnie's tuxedo jacket.

After she was buried, everyone else left, but Soyeon and her friends stayed. Eventually, even Minnie and Miyeon left, leaving only Shuhua to comfort Soyeon. Somehow, just Shuhua's silent presence beside her was nice. The two sat in the freshly dug dirt, Soyeon reminiscing all of her good memories with Yuqi, whilst Shuhua was watching the sunset and thinking back to some time in college that her and Yuqi drank their asses off and collapsed in the night on a hill similar to this one.

Shuhua shifted when she could hear Soyeon breathing harshly, pulling something out of her pocket. "Soyeon, no.."

"No, what?" She fired back, staring at Shuhua angrily while hiding what was clearly a knife.

"It's not worth it," she tells her.

Soyeon looked away, shutting her eyes tight. "I know. I'm sorry, I won't. But what am I even going to do now?" She studied the ring on her finger, fiddling with it. "I was going to marry her, Shu."