I play with Wendy's hand as she's asleep. I'm just realizing now that I didn't take the time to really reflect since I got released from prison. I've been focused on my girl a lot. You could tell it's only normal but I do need to make sure I'm in a good state of mind for her to be able to lean on me. She's been my support system for the past few years. It is my responsibility to make sure she gets everything she needs, wants and deserves.
Wendy told me she would need me more than I would need her. Things have changed. I can only understand that she wants to feel like everything is under control. She tends to control everything tho. So I can imagine how mentally drained she is.
As for me... Being out is a wonderful feeling, but I'd be lying if I say it's easy to get used to freedom. There's always something to do or somewhere to be, and it's so hard to cach up sometimes. I try to not show it to Wendy because she already has a lot to deal with herself, but the past few weeks have been stressful for me too.
I take a deep breath before pulling Wen closer to me. The room is quiet in a good way. It's calm. Relaxing.
"Babe..." My girl mumbles. "I want a hug."
She nestles herself against my chest. Her long nails stroke my neck softly. I close my eyes to enjoy this moment of intimacy. She really is my happy place.
...
I wake up next to a sleeping Wendy. The clock indicates 06:03. I'd really love to be able to sleep a full night but I can't. My body is still in jail.
I take a pen and my notebook to write a few lines. I've been having a lot of inspiration the past few months. And yesterday's studio session put me in album mode. I have a lot of projects to release. My debut album is coming.
I hum a melody, writing lyrics at the same time. I must admit, the conversation I had with Denzel is still on my mind. I'm still mad at how he played me. I have to find a way to make him pay.
"Babe..." Wendy says with a little voice. "What are you doing ?"
"I'm writing some shit real quick."
"It's early..." She yawns. "You always wake up early."
"I'm used to it. But you should get some more rest."
"I wanna sleep in your arms."
I smile. That's something she would say so much over the phone. I want a kiss, I want a hug... I wanna sleep in your arms. Everything reminds me of how far we've come.
"Come here love."
Wendy nestles herself against my chest just the way she loves to do. We take the time to enjoy this embrace. I peck her lips a few times.
"You feel better ?"
"Yes."
"Wanna talk about what happened last night ?"
"Well... Not really. I don't want to let these people get to me. Whatever happened with my parents doesn't concern me. I think yesterday's breakdown was just a bit of everything that happened the past few months and I just needed to relieve the pressure." She shrugs. "But I'm fine."
"If you say so then I believe you. But just know it's normal to feel the way you feel about your parents. It's normal to want to be a part of your family, even from another country."
"Thank you." She smiles at me. "So now tell me... How did the meeting go ?"
"It was aight. My family had organized a party. I saw a couple of cousins, aunts, uncles... I saw my mom too."
"How is she ?"
I shrug, "She aight. We didn't really talk."
"Why ?"
"I didn't want to."
Wendy kisses my neck slowly while I'm stroking her back.
"It's fine. How about Denzel ?"
"I... I learned a lot of things. Denzel been lying to everybody about what happened. He said he was the one supporting me financially from the outside. He said he been sending bucks every month and shit. So people think we good."
"Hmmm. Why did he want to see you ?"
"He thought I was gonna claim my shit back. I told him I was out the game for good and I left."
Wendy nods slowly.
"He's going to be a problem."
"Why do you say that ?"
"Because..." She shrugs, "He will make sure to remind people what he did for you."
"Don't think too much about it. I'll deal with him at the appropriate time."
"Randy ?" She says with a little voice. "Have you ever killed somebody ?"
"No."
"But ?"
"But what ?"
"You said you had a record that didn't help your case. What did you do ?"
I take the time to stroke my girl's arm. I knew we would have this conversation some day but I wish we didn't have to.
"I sold some grams."
Wendy gives me a little smile, making me frown.
"You do realize I read your criminal record, right ?"
"Of course you did... You know everything huh ?"
"Not everything actually. That's why I gotta ask questions."
"I'll answer... It's just..."
"Prince D." She sits up straight. "That's your street name. D, Prince D or Dee with two 'e'. Prince of what ?"
I can't help but to chuckle. I thought she would be scared to hear certain things. I honestly had no idea of how to approach that talk but she seems comfortable with the topic.
"Prince was my best friend. He got shot when we were 15. I decided to keep his name to honor his memory."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"It is what it is."
Wendy stays silent. I take a few moments to think before speaking up again.
"When I was 10, my mom got into a car accident that almost killed her. She couldn't take care of me so she sent me to my aunt's place. Now that lady already had other kids to take care of so she wasn't really at home. I basically grew up with my siblings. They introduced me to gangs and shit you know. I learned how to shoot, how to smoke, how to fight and how to sell. But I was better than them. I've always had natural charisma. I outgrew everybody. I started making more money than my siblings. Other niggas would listen to me. I became a leader without having to claim leadership."
"Is Denzel your cousin ?"
I shake my head, "He was a friend. A good one. We met when I was around 14. He came from a different city but he had family members in my neighborhood."
"Do you miss it ?"
"What ?"
"Your old life with a lot of money and fame and everything..."
"I don't miss it. Not at all. This lifestyle cost me a lot. Friends, peace, freedom... I really don't wanna relapse."
"Well... We need to start thinking of how to build things."
"I know how to start."
"How ?"
"I'll tell you everything. But right now..." I slide my hand on her ass, "Right now I want all this."
"All this, darling ?" She asks with her British accent.
"Hell yeah."
