i finally understand
what they mean about
first and second choices
youre my best friend
and i guess i thought
i was yours
but its not true
just because you say it
i can taste the lies
even when the thought
hasnt yet traveled to my tongue
trying not to be jealous
feeling guilty for failing
but it hurts
when time and time again
im always forgotten
left out and left behind
and i swear im not bitter
i just wish
you would have told me
instead of letting me figure it out
all alone in a bathroom stall
as your laugh
echoes around these empty walls
you say im your best friend
but wouldnt a best friend
be the person you go to first
if im really yours
then i guess
that must not be how it works anymore
good thing you dont read what i write
so i can still pretend not to feel
the knife you threw into my back
already walking away
but the pain is still so fresh and real
at least i know now
even if you dont
even if you wont admit it
ive never been your best friend
ill always just be second
second best
and she will always be first
---
date written: november 21, 2023
