Once Upon a Time in Storybrooke - OUAT DR

Chapter 6 - Confessions

When I got back to camp - barely functional - Regina was trying to teach Emma how to light a fire with her magic. I sat down in front of our parents, leaning against their legs and surprising both of them. Regina riled Emma up and her anger got her to spark the fire alive. I told her it was good progress but she didn't seem very enthused so I let it go.

Hook came out of the foliage and started whispering to David, Snow, and I that Pan had come to him and told him Neal was alive. David and Hook thought it was a better idea not to tell Emma but Snow and I disagreed. We tentatively agreed not to tell her for the moment (but I was planning on telling her the first chance I got). 

Unfortunately for Hook and David, they were terrible liars and hadn't even agreed on a lie to even go with, so Snow told Emma right away when Emma confronted us all and asked what was going on. 

Emma always knew when someone was lying to her that was literally her superpower. Dumbasses.

Emma took the news how we expected, with mixed feelings, but ultimately if Neal was alive that meant he could tell us how he'd escaped last time, and we'd have our escape plan. If we had an escape plan, we could get Tinker Bell to help us get into Pan's compound to rescue Henry and get home. Henry would have his dad back and we'd all get to go home - it was a win-win.

Snow convinced Emma that there was at least a chance he was alive but Regina wasn't having it, storming off to try and get Henry on her own. Emma seemed to hesitate at Regina's sudden departure, wondering if it was the right thing to do. Looking at Emma made me wonder if the look I saw in her eyes as she watched Regina leave was the same one the others saw in mine when I looked at Hook. There was definitely something between the two women - something more than just being Henry's mom's - but I wasn't going to push it. If Emma had noticed any looks between Hook and me she hadn't pushed me about them, so I was going to extend her the same courtesy. That's what sisters do, after all.

We headed out into the woods to try and find Neal, following the trail that had been left behind that Snow had found back at our camp. If her suspicions were correct Neal had somehow gotten to Neverland, found our camp, and been captured by Pan. 

As we were walking I was still reeling from my kiss with Hook. David and Hook were behind us far enough that I couldn't see them, while Emma and Snow were in front of me. Before I knew what I was saying I told them I had kissed Hook. Both seemed surprised (but not very) and asked me why, and I found myself telling them I wasn't sure - it had been a while, I was feeling good - I had no idea. Snow asked if it meant anything and I told her I wasn't sure about that, either. Emma said she called it and Regina owed her $20 when we got back home, I shoved her shoulder playfully but walked ahead of her, needing to move faster, feeling so, so awkward. 

Unlike Emma, and even Snow, I hadn't had any romantic partners in Storybrooke or since they'd known me, everything had always been platonic until Hook. Hook, the pirate captain that seemed to be made perfectly for me. Hook, who always seemed to show me a side of himself I knew nobody else had seen before. Hook, who despite lifetimes trying to get his revenge abandoned those plans at my behest and worked through his issues enough to work with the man who had harmed him more than any other. 

From the moment we'd met I'd felt a connection, like there was something invisible tying us together, and after our kiss, I was afraid of what that connection meant - afraid and exhilarated. 

The trail led to a cave - the Echo Caves - as Hook explained. The caves didn't require guards because one had to reveal their darkest secret in order to gain passage, he'd lost over half his crew in them before.   

I didn't want to reveal my darkest secret, I especially didn't want to reveal it here where the demon child was sure to be listening, somehow. 

I hoped that Hook was mistaken, or maybe I wouldn't have to reveal mine because there were enough of us that I wouldn't have to. I told myself that as I followed Hook through the caves, but my gut filled with dread the further we walked until we entered a large, mostly empty chamber that had a cage in the middle of it on a rock island surrounded by a drop into darkness - no way to get across. 

Neal was in the cage and he screamed for Emma when he saw her. So he was alive, after all. I looked at Emma to see her reaction but the only thing I could gather was she didn't seem overjoyed at seeing Neal alive. Not upset, but not necessarily happy about it either. I walked over to the side and looked down, seeing nothing but darkness, the rock I kicked into the abyss bouncing for what sounded like quite a bit before a faint splash reached us. 

Our parents wondered how we would get across and Killian pointed out that now was the time for the gut spilling (the secret kind) in order for us to get across the chasm to Neal. Nobody volunteered to go first so Killian stepped up, leading by example. 

He confessed that we had kissed and what that kiss had exposed - he hadn't been sure he would ever be capable of letting go of his first love, to find someone else, until me. The ground shook and a rock bridge began to form, triggered by his confession.

I was left quite literally speechless. 

David got mad but Snow and Emma already knew of our shared kiss since I'd already told them and told David now wasn't the time. I was shocked by Killian's statement, his proclamation to me.

Speechless. 

Head whirling. 

Could not think. 

Snow spoke her secret next and admitted how Emma and I being grown up was not something she was okay with. Despite how much she loved us and how proud she was of us, she was upset she missed us growing up and felt cheated out of all the firsts. Her secret? She wanted another baby when we got back to Storybrooke. The ground shook and more of the bridge began to form.

David spoke up after Snow's confession and admitted that he had been poisoned by Dreamshade when the Lost Boys attacked us and that was why he and Hook left, to find a cure. They were successful, but the cure came with a price - he could never leave Neverland or he would die. 

My brain, at this point, was still buffering so I didn't absorb either of their confessions until much later, if I'm being honest. 

After his confession additional portions of the bridge formed until there was only one gap left, indicating it was my turn. Without my secret being revealed, Emma couldn't get to Neal.

I took a deep breath and stepped forward. I looked around at everyone, putting Hook's confession aside, and told them my darkest secret. I confessed that I felt like everything that happened was my fault. If I hadn't been born, if I hadn't messed everything up, Snow and Emma would have been able to go through the wardrobe together, and all this hurt and heartache everyone had experienced never would have happened. I felt like a mistake and like there was nothing I could do to right it. 

The bridge was completed at the end of my statement and Emma was able to go across the bridge and confess her secret to Neal, which unlocked the cage, freeing him.

David and Snow reached for me, but I scrubbed the tears that escaped away and stepped back towards the exit, needing to escape. Hook followed and offered me his flask and I took a very deep drink, not talking about either of our confessions. Once everyone was out of the cave we made a plan, Neal was certain he could get us home once we rescued Henry. 

As we headed off Neal and Emma stayed back talking near the cave while Snow refused to talk to David, and I refused to talk to my parents. Killian caught back up to me as I led the way back toward our camp, offering the flask once more, and I took several swigs before I handed it back to him. He told me it was a heavy burden to carry around that much guilt. I told him it was like leaves on the vine for me, pointing to the tattoo on my left arm where a dainty vine snaked down to my hand. I'd carried a lot heavier loads than this one for a lot longer; it had taken me years to release the guilt I had surrounding my not-family. I thought I had left those feelings behind me but finding out about who I really was, and the part I played in the story, well, it brought up all those old feelings and then some. 

I continued walking, not wanting or willing to talk anymore about it. Somewhere off in the distance I could imagine Peter Pan laughing at the mess I'd become that nobody had seen until we'd been forced to reveal it, our group in shambles. 

The realization stung me as if I'd been slapped. He got us, he got me. He fucking got me, and now he knew everything he wanted about me, about all of us, that must have been his plan all along.

We played right into his trap and gave away all our secrets while turning against each other. Some rescue party we were turning out to be.