Wishful Thinking

Chapter 2 - Part 2

I changed the title, but I'm still not sure how I feel about it. “Wishful Thinking” was inspired by the song “King of Wishful Thinking” by Go West, though I frequently listen to the cover by Cotta. I highly recommend listening to it if you haven't.

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The sun shining through her lavender sheer curtains caused Hope to groan irritably, her eyes opening begrudgingly to face the day. The first day that Landon became a mere acquaintance, as she didn't believe he even saw her as a friend. Probably because he got fed up with you treating him like he's made of porcelain. Maybe if you put out sooner instead of putting all your energy into protecting him, he'd still be your boyfriend. She frowned at her intrusive thoughts, ripping the covers away with little to no energy. The reality of having to get ready and trudge downstairs to eat breakfast felt like she was human with 10 pounds of bricks weighing heavily on her chest.

Putting her slippers on, Hope headed toward the mirror that was hanging over her dresser. Somehow, seeing saggy pouches underneath her eyes–the result of a sleepless night and the break-up, made her recall the last words her ex-boyfriend said..

FLASHBACK

“So, uh, I have a play that I need to direct. I'm sorry it came to this, I never wanted it to but I…I need to face reality. And the reality,” Hands nervously digging into the fabric of his pockets, he sucked in a breath. “Our reality is that neither of us is benefiting from our romantic relationship anymore, in fact it's deterring us from being the best version of ourselves.”

“Landon…” Tears pooled in her eyes, but she stubbornly refused to let them drip down her face.

“Hope, our song– it was beautiful, and it'll never stop playing it on repeat inside my head, but even the best song… it ends eventually. Ours just ended much sooner than we hoped for. I'll always feel love for you, but” His eyes peered down toward the ground, shaking his head slowly, “you were right. I…I need to walk away to lift the weight of my own insecurities, and I have full confidence you'll be okay.”

Backing up toward her closed door, his mouth stretched into a grim smile. “Because if I learned anything about you while we were together, you never needed me for anything. I was always just… there, on standby, waiting.”

He whispered with a tone of finality. “The sorrow you may feel now is nothing but a fabrication, because if you truly wanted anything I could offer in this relationship … ” His hand rubbed at his forehead, choosing to leave the rest of the sentence unsaid because he could feel a wetness pooling in his eyes that wasn't there minutes prior, the result of hearing his own voice break. The result of locking eyes with the first girl he's ever loved before he turned the doorknob and left out her door–a new beginning.

He left everything.

He left her

They were over.

END OF FLASHBACK

A scream of heartache and embarrassment erupted from her throat as she punched the mirror, her supernatural strength causing the glass to shatter, pieces of chipped glass covered the top of the dresser. She was being vain, but knowing the entire student body was going to know that it was Landon who ended things… Let's just say, she’d rather walk out of the girl’s restroom with a tail of toilet paper hanging from her ass. 

What was Landon doing, anyway?
Did he sleep well?
Was he downstairs eating breakfast?

Oh, Goshhh

She needed to stop putting her focus on the guy who doesn't want her anymore.

All she knew was that she did not want to run into her ex-boyfriend today… or tomorrow, or even next week, afraid a look of indifference towards her would be all she would see. But they lived in the same boarding school; running into him was inevitable. Hearing his low, joyous laugh while he joked with others, and seeing his perfect smile as she passed by was also inevitable.

Because, she came to realize suddenly as if a bolt of lightning struck her in the heart, Landon was an individual separate from her before he ever became her boyfriend.

And now he wasn't.

Landon dumped her, and try as she might, the repercussions of his choice were barely starting to register. How could she walk downstairs with the same confidence after he callously threw her away? How could she face the student body under that amount of humiliation? No doubt everybody probably knew that Landon dumped her. Losing him out of circumstance felt different; he hadn't woken up and decided that he no longer wanted her in his life.

Hope groaned once more, wanting to hide under her covers for the entire day– no way Dr. Saltzman would allow that.

She could not face Landon, not today, Gosh, not ever. She had a reputation to keep in this school and if he proved he had no interest in her presence, she would undoubtedly crumble on the spot.

He told her she didn’t need him and his tone was full of certainty, but if that were true, why did she want to walk downstairs, put her arms around his neck from behind and kiss him so lovingly, so desperately. She whimpered from the intense heartache that was clenching her stomach-- a reminder that touching him was a privilege she had lost, as he had clearly told her yesterday.

But if she wanted to hide for the day, why was she officially dressed? When did she put on makeup– she didn't know. Why was her hair wet? Did she shower? How long has she been in a dazed stupor obsessing over thoughts of Landon?