Love Me. Heal Me!

• Are you lost babygirl?

If I had a flower, for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.

Sara's POV

My designer made sure that I look elegant and not over the top. My hair is done in a ponytail and I look almost okay in this onion pink lehenga.

My contemporaries, who have been invited and paid to attend this wedding, are happy. As much fake as it appears to the worldly eyes, it is true that everyone is enjoying themselves.
There's energy, there's people, there's love, there's celebration.
Yet...

I don't feel like myself. I have never been. Whenever he is not around, in such gatherings, I feel out of place. I think that I don't belong here but in his arms.
Kartik was also invited and called but he never attends these functions for he has his own valid reasons.
I can't pressurize him to be at a place where he doesn't feel like coming but how to tell him that I always miss him though he's just a call away?

"Hey! Dance Sara!"

Abey kitna naachu? I want to say, but all i do is nod and shake a leg with a fake smile plastered on my lips.

I have come here with Ibrahim, while all my friends have come here with their boyfriends and girlfriends or spouses. A few are even, what they call- soft launching their boyfriends in this wedding procession.

I knew he wouldn't come, but I had to attend. Me and Ibrahim are the only ones tonight, who represent Pataudis. We had to come. We had to celebrate.
But never in my wildest of the dreams I thought that I'll get jealous of all these people.
The public display of these frivolous relationships has managed to unsettle me.
There are so many couples, happy, in love, hand in hand, and here I am, feeling extremely lonely.

I am dancing with no actual kick. It feels like I am in daze. Making my way through and through all the dazzle, yet there's nothing at the end.

Kartik is in Kolkata for his movie. While all his co actors are here, this man decided to stay back, giving me all the pain in the head.

I know if I'll text him, he will laugh so I'm not texting him.

My steps falter, my hand movements are seemingly bizarre. Oh how pathetically I'm dancing.

I should stop -

"Are you lost babygirl?" My notification reads.
It's a message from Kartik. What a tease!
He knows me. He knows me better than myself.

But he comes up with a 365 days reference.
That's Kartik Aaryan for you.

"Fuck off." I message back after excusing myself from the baraat and he laughs back, knowing well that I don't mean it, but I mean it.

I push my phone back in the small embroidered handbag I have, without giving him the satisfaction that I miss him.

Though he knows it.

Love is a very overwhelming feeling. It's wonderous how it makes a single person, your centre of gravity. A single person becomes your home, your safe place and it's scary.
Survival becomes tough. You feel incomplete.

But the feeling of being with them, stays and helps you stay sane. I know I'm going to be back with him. I know he's as eager to meet as much as I am. I know I'm not fretting over nothing. It's him.
Kartik. The man of my life, who I miss so deeply, so lovingly that I am insecure and jealous of everyone around me.

It's how he makes me feel. My love for this man, has made me go through changes. Some are good some are bad.

The good one is, that he doesn't make me feel alone even if I am alone, because right now, I have my ex under the same roof, and honestly I don't give a fuck about his existence. In fact I'm happy that he's happy with his chics.