Sex, Travel and The Pandemic

Orcs, Zombies, And COVID-19

I took a sip of my tea, looking at the snowflakes as they danced across the German February sky. It was the first time I had ever seen snow in my life.

The world was slowly falling apart due to the new virus. I retreated once again to my German safe haven in Bavaria with Anna. She welcomed me back to Germany with open arms, allowing me to stay at her place for as long as I wanted. She didn't live with her parents anymore. She had gotten herself a nice place a few minutes away. A lot had changed for her since we last met in the summer of 2018. She had a good job and had gotten a nice and spacious apartment in the city.

This time was different. A heavy dark cloud lingered above me and as I stood, looking at the snowflakes, I could see from a distance the orcs encroaching closer and closer. They weren't alone though. They were also accompanied by the walkers that had attacked me in Miami.

The war was about to begin.

There wasn't much information about the new virus. We knew a thing or two about it, but it was the novelty of it that made it terrifying. If I got it, would I be hospitalized and have to go on a ventilator? Would I die? What about my family back home in Trinidad? Would they be okay if this spreads out of control? These questions came at me fast and furious and wouldn't relent.

I spent most of my waking time alone as Anna spent most of her waking time at work.

Things were good when we were together. Sex was a staple in our relationship, and we had a lot of it. Nowhere in the house was off-limits, sometimes not even making it past the kitchen.

Life was nice for us but the dark cloud above me remained, following me everywhere that I went. When I ate, it was there. When I slept, it was there. When I made love, it was there. And life became darkened by its shadow.

Anna and I had concocted an extravagant plan to travel the world together, living off my blog and whatever jobs we could find. I needed a writer and Anna would have been a perfect fit. Anna was even prepared to leave her nice and well-paying job in Germany to do it. For a long time, I was certain that this is what I wanted. Then the pandemic happened, and I wasn't so sure anymore. My world didn't seem as hopeful, and the future seemed dark. This feeling hit me sometime after New Year's Day. It was a feeling that I find difficult to put into words, as I have yet to truly understand what it was. It was like hopelessness pending. A cloud of anxiety that lingered without any specific form or explanation. It was like a snake hissing in my room but that never showed itself, simply instilling fear with no way of getting rid of it. Things weren't hopeless right now but the prospects of 2020 being a good year seemed to be slipping away.

I didn't know what the virus was capable of then and the idea of it shutting down the entire world didn't even dawn on me. My mind couldn't see that far into the future and life seemed foggy. A dark cloud of anxiety not a zombie hoard of anxiety. This anxiety was slow and long-lasting and there was nothing I could do about it.

My career was doing great, I had no relationship problems or anything of the sort. My life was on an upward trajectory but then, there was the virus.

I eventually told Anna the truth!

I told her that I wasn't completely honest with her and that I had been traveling through Europe with my girlfriend when I came to visit her in 2018. She didn't lash out or become angry. She responded simply, "I didn't know."

Not much changed after my confession, but there was definitely an air of distrust. If I lied about that, what else could I have lied about? Could I have lied about giving her a job on my blog or traveling the world. What if she had quit her job to come work for me only to realize that I was lying about it.