The Rifleman: The Wizard of Oz

Chapter 8

The scene changes where Mark and Toto walk down the yellow brick road next to the cornfield.

Mark: (Confused) Follow the Yellow Brick Road? Follow the Yellow...? Now which way do we go?

Scarecrow: Pardon me! That way is a very nice way.

This is the Scarecrow he is hanging from the pole and he is pointing one direction.

Mark: (Surprised) Who said that? (Toto barks at the scarecrow) Don't be silly, Toto. Scarecrows don't talk.

Scarecrow: It's pleasant down this way too.

Pointing another direction.

Mark: That's funny. Wasn't he pointing the other way?

Scarecrow: Of course, people do go both ways.

Pointing two opposite directions

Mark: (Realizing, walking up to Scarecrow) Why, you did say something, didn't you? (Scarecrow shakes his head and nods) Are you doing that on purpose, or can't you make up your mind?

Scarecrow: That's the trouble. I can't make my mind. i haven't got a brain. Only straw.

Shows straw to Mark.

Mark: How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?

Scarecrow: I don't know. Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?

Mark: Yes, I guess you're right. (Walks into the cornfield) Well, we haven't really met properly, have we?

Scarecrow: Why, no.

Mark: (Curtsies) How do you do?

Scarecrow: How do you do?

Mark: Very well, thank you.

Scarecrow: Oh, I'm not feeling at all well. You see, it's very tedious being stuck up here all day long with a pole up your back.

Mark: (Concerned) Oh, dear. That must be terribly uncomfortable. Can't you get down?

Scarecrow: Down? No, you see, I'm well. I'm...

Mark: Oh, well, here. Let me help you. (Helps Scarecrow)

Scarecrow: (Grateful) Oh, that's very kind of you. Very kind.

Mark: Well, Oh dear, I don't quite see how I...

Scarecrow: Of course, I'm not bright about doing things but if you just bend the nail down in the back, maybe I'll slip off and-

Mark: (Bends the nail) Oh yes!

Scarecrow: (Falls and lands on the ground) Whoops! (Chuckling) There goes some of me again!

Mark: (Worried) Oh, does it hurt you?

Scarecrow: (Stuffs the straw back into himself) Oh, no. I just keep picking it up and putting it back in again. (Chuckling, Happily) My! It's good to be free! (Falls over to the ground and Mark exclaimed) Did I scare you?

Mark: No, no. I just thought you hurt yourself.

Scarecrow: But I didn't scare you?

Mark: No, of course not.

Scarecrow: I didn't think so. (A crow lands on his shoulder) Boo! Scat! Boo! (The crow pecks the straw from his collar and flies) You see? I can't even scare a crow. They come from miles around just to eat in my field and laugh at my face. (Sadly) Oh, I'm a failure, because, I haven't got a brain!

Mark: Well, what would you do with a brain if you had one?

Scarecrow: Do? Why if I had a brain, I could. (Singing) I could while away the hours conferring with the flowers. Consulting with the rain. And my head I'd be scratching. While my thoughts were busy hatching. If I only had a brain. (Rolling down) I'd unravel every riddle. For any individle. In trouble or in pain.

Mark catches him from falling.

Mark: (Singing) With the thoughts you'd be thinking. You could be another Lincoln. If you only had a brain.

Scarecrow: Oh, I could tell you why. The ocean's near the shore. I could think of things. I never thunk before. And then I sit and think some more. I would not be just a nothing, my head all full of stuffing. My heart all full of pain. (Dancing) I would dance and be merry. Life would be a ding-a-derry. If I only had a brain. (Falls down) Whoa!

Mark: (Picks up the straw and shakes his hand) Wonderful! (Puts the straw back in inside of Scarecrow) Why, if our scarecrow back in North Fork could do that, the crows would be scared to pieces!

Scarecrow: They would?

Mark: (Nodding) Mm-hmm.

Scarecrow: (Curiously) Where's North Fork?

Mark: That's where I live and I wanna get back there so badly, i'm going to the Emerald City to get the Wizard of Oz to help me.

Scarecrow: You're going to see a wizard?

Mark: (Nodding) Mm-hmm.

Scarecrow: Do you think if I went, this wizard would give me brains?

Mark: I couldn't say. But even if he didn't, you'd be no worse off than you are now.

Scarecrow: Yes, that's true.

Mark: But maybe you better not. I've got a warlock mad at me, and you might get into trouble.

Scarecrow: Witch? I'm not afraid of a witch! I'm not afraid of anything! Except a lighted match.

Mark: I don't blame you for that.

Scarecrow: But I'd face a whole box of them for the chance of getting some brains. Look, I won't be any trouble, because I don't eat a thing. And I won't try to manage things, because I can't think. Won't you take me with you?

Mark: Why, of course I will!

Scarecrow: (Gets up happily) Hooray! We're off to see a wizard!

Mark: (Catches him) Oh, you're not starting out very well.

Scarecrow: Oh, I'll try! Really, I will.

Mark: To Oz?

Scarecrow: To Oz!

Scarecrow and Mark: (Singing together and skipping down the road) We're off to see the wizard. The wonderful Wizard of Oz. We hear he is a whiz of a wiz. If ever wiz there was. If ever, oh ever a wiz there was. The Wizard of Oz is one because. Because, because, because, Because, because. Because of the wonderful things he does. We're off to see the wizard. The wonderful Wizard of Oz.

Mark, Toto and Scarecrow walk down the road continuing the journey to the Emerald City.