Struggles of self hate And Doubt

When

I see you
I feel comfortable
I met you and immediately clicked
It clicked in my brain that you were good
I still don't let myself see it
I do know that I want to know you

When I talk to you
I smile, blush, and just feel excited
You say you don't want to use me
I try to believe it

But what I don't get is why
Why say those words
I never asked you to
You chose to, that I applaud
I see you in the light
The light I put you in
I still don't trust myself
I get attached and people run
Run away
That's how I feel
I feel like I can't get attached
I get attached then I get clingy
I want you to hold me
Hold me through the rough
It's easier to express when you're not around
I want to know you
I flirt with you
But I am scared
Scared for when you look and try to find me I'll be gone

All I know is I have issues
If you want to be with me you must understand
All my friends know I have issues
All my loved ones know
But they don't know exactly what I suffer with
I try to be comfortable
I try to tell them
But it's hard to explain