𝐾𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑎𝑠𝑠－𝐴 𝑎𝑎𝑟𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟 𝑗𝑜ℎ𝑛𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑎𝑛𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

𝟏✫

Daves pov:
I always wonder why nobody did it before me. I mean, all those comic books,movies, Tv shows, you'd think that one eccentric loner would have made himself a costume.

I mean, is everyday life really so exciting?Are schools and offices so thrilling that im the only one who ever fantasized about this? Come on, be honest with yourself.At some point in our lives,we all wanted to be a superhero.
-
A man flying of a building at full speed catches everyones attention. Gasps can be heard all across the street, everyone was staring in awe. He was wearing some type of costume, with red wings, and a helmet. He was going to fly!
Suddenly a loud cash could be heard. And the guy was scrambled all in a taxi. Nobody was screaming, there wasn't much panic. Instead people sighed and went back to their normal lives.

Thats not me by the way. Thats some Armenian guy with a history of mental health problems.
Who am I? Im Kick-Ass.
____________________________________
six months earlier....
Thats me,back before any of this crazy shit happened.

I guess I was the last person you would expect to become a superhero.Im not saying there was anything wrong with me, but theres nothing special either. I wasn't into sports.I wasn't a mathlete or a hardcore gamer.I didn't have a piercing or an eating disorder or 3,000 friends on Myspace. My only superpower was being invisible to girls. And out of my friends,man, I wasn't even the funny one.
Like most people my age,I just existed.

Kicking in my bedroom door,and you'd probably find me watching TV...or talking to my friend Todd on Skype.
"Are you watching Family guy?" Todd asked
"Nope"
"Me either. Check out nippleslip.com, its good."

Or jerking off, mostly to my English teacher.
"Dave Lizewski. Dont think I haven't noticed you looking at my tits,Dave." The teacher said, in a saductive voice. "I want your hands all over me,Dave" she moaned. "Please" she moaned, louder this time.
The fantasy ended, showing a finished Dave.

Sure, a lot of what got me through the average school day was making deposits in the whack-off warehouse  for later. Though, to be honest, it didn't take much to set me off. I swear, when my hormones balance out, shares in Kleenex are gonna take a dive, man.

This time, the real English teacher spoke up, "Dave Lizewski, shouldn't you be looking at Hamlet right now?" she told him, and not in a seductive way.
"Yes, Mrs.Zane." the homonal teen then apologized, "im sorry."

But dont get me wrong. I like girls my age, too.
Especially Katie Deauxma. "Hey gorgeous" "Hey" Dave replied to the girl. Turns out she wasn't talking to him. He turned and saw another girl look at him then at Katie, and then giggled. "Oh, no. Uh, you ment Erika. I know, I knew that! I was just kidding."
He closed his locker fast and then scurried along, full of embarrassment.

I was just a regular guy. No radioactive spiders, no refuge status from a doomed alien world.
"You know what? Todd said they do still make Count Chocula, they just dont sell it at the store anymore"Dave randomly said at the breakfast table with his parents. thud.
My mother was killed by an aneurism in the kitchen..."Mom?" as opposed to a gunman in the alley. So if you were hoping for any "I will avenge you,Mother!!" Your out of luck. In the 18 months since my mother died, the only epiphany I had was realizing that life just goes on. "Did they change the bees face?" The dad asked in genuine curiosity. "No."
____________________________________
Third person

"How come nobodys ever tried to be a superhero?" Dave asked his friends. "Boy I dont know maye because its fucking impossible, dipshit." "What putting on a mask and helping people? Hows that impossible?" Dave backed up his point.
"Thats not superhero, though. How is that super? Super is like being stronger then everybody and flying and shit. Thats just hero" Todd then backed HIS point." "No, its not even hero. Its just fucking psycho." His other friend Martin stated. "Hello? Bruce Wayne? He didn't have any powers." "Yes, but he had all the expensive shit that doesn't exist. I thought you ment, like. "How come nobody does it in real life?"" "Yeah todd thats what I ment!" "Dude, if anyone did it in real life they'd get their ass kicked! They'd be dead in ,like, a day." Martin interrupted. "Yeah,okay. Im not saying they should do it. J just can't figure out why nobody does." Dave conito ramble on "Seriously, out of all the millions of people who love superheroes, you'd think one would give it a try." His friends stare at him in silence. "Jesus, guys, does it not bug you? Why thousands of people want to be Paris Hilton and nobody wants to be Spider-Man.?" "Yeah,whats what that? She has, like, no tits at all." Martin starts agreeing. "Maybe it's the porn tape. He doesn't have a porn tape." "You guys never saw One night in Spider-Man?" The teen boys then laughed. Stopping their foolishness, they noticed a nice car in the window. 
"Guess who." Todd said.
Steping out of the car was Chris D'Amico.
Dave was the first one to speak up. "Is it me, or do you kind of feel sorry for Chris D'Amico?" Automatically Martin is the other to comment on what Dave says. "Yeah, it must be terrible to have a rich dad and everything you want." Martin then adds on, "I wish you wouldn't have said anything cause I feel like im gonna start crying" "Right." Dave says with a big of sass in his tone. "The fact that hes always on his own?" Dave says in a sympathetic voice. "We should,like,tak to him. See if he wants to hang out with us." Todd suggested. "Well i didn't say we should talk to him, I just-" "Think about it. Come on, it'd be awesome. If he was our friend no one would ever fuck with us again." Todd interrups. "Well go on then todd. You wanna- I can get up-" "No, no no no no. I think Dave...Dave should do it." Todd looks after him in a quiet evil stare. "Dave should go" Martin gets tood and then agrees. "Why?" Dave asked confused on why he was picked. "Dave, you should totally go." "Go.". The two friends who were verbally pushing him to go talk to Chris. "Your a dick." Dave said to Todd. "Dont be afraid, Dave.""Your a pussy" Dave then said to Martin before he left to go tallk to Chris D'Amico.
Walking up to Chris, Dave feels like this might actually work. He sees Chris look at him and then smiles a little bit. But all of Daves confidence soon leaves as he sees the big man stand infromt of Chris and say these two, intimidating words, "Fuck off".
Todd and Martin seeing the whole show, they turn around and start laughing quietly.

The friend group now leaving the comic store, still laughing about what just happened earlier. "Did you spray anything over there?" "Yeah, I think I might have just shat my pants a little." Martin and Dave joking around. Martin going a different direction, meaning hes heading home. They all say bye to Martin and then cross the street.
"If that guy would have spoken to me like that, I would have kicked his ass." Todd said, obviously lieing his ass off. "Todd, when have you kicked anyones ass?" Dave making front of him. "Whatever man I would have just gone for his knees."

The boys argued while walking."Your not making sense." "What im saying is the centrifugal force of Batmans batarang would undoubtedly penetrate the Jokers force field, leaving him totally vulnerable to the-" Todd got interrupted by two dickhead guys. "Woah, woah, Pussy patrol. Phones, money." The white boy said. Before the two nerds could even give them all their stuff, a girl comes by....
.
.
.
.
.
.
A/n... Ouuu TBC so mysterious😱😱 But fr im just gonna end it here. Obviously we are going to be introducing the amazing famale protagonist😍. Tell me how you guys feel about this? Im liking it a lil bit.. so i might update alot. Also, if theres any spelling errors just ignore them lol.Anywaysss hope you guys enjoyed this!! Love you byewwe😘