Cold as Ice: The Heart of Stone

Chapter 22 - Shopping

I think one of my biggest downfalls is that I will believe any word that comes out of Leah's sweet mouth—not like physically but mentally. I don't trust anyone, really. But for some reason I would put my whole life on the line and believe Leah.

Pathetic.

She told me; that Jordan came around as a friend because she knew she was in the area and wanted advice after ignoring me, apparently she didn't want to involve the Arsenal girls because well... they have been in enough of our drama. Basically she wanted her opinion to it to be heard as 'more than fair enough', which no suprises there...Jordan berated me saying I was harsh and didn't take her feelings into consideration like usual...like usual? the fuck is that meant to mean. Anyway...Leah was also honest in telling me that Jordan thought going anywhere near me after everything I put her through was a 'terrible idea' which, she may not be wrong but she had no fucking clue. Leah reassured me that she know in my right mind I would never hurt her intentionally.

Leah believed she had the right to feel how she felt in that moment: She does, I'm not disputing how she feels and I told her I would never say she couldn't feel like that. But she also admitted after more thought she saw where I was coming from with taking things slow and ultimately thought it would be good for us to not be together all the time and rush things. I tried my best to keep compure about how hurt and angry I was when I saw Jordan, I was trying to be honest after all. The things she told me Jordan said were comical, it was honestly laughable.

I personally like to call her opinions of me fan theories.

I think for the most part...she understood why I flew abit off the handle. It's never nice seeing someone you had/still have something with be with an ex and obviously my mind drew the worst conclusion from it all. She was definitely shocked when was insinuating they had maybe done things but who could blame me for thinking it?

She point blank told me nothing happened and as I said, I believed her, I do believe her.

I know Jordan doesn't like me, it's not that Leah cheated on her or anything like that. It was more of they fell out of love a while before me and Leah were a thing. I believe Jordan hoped they would get back together like they always used to, so, she has a vendetta against me and will always bring it back to how I kissed someone else right in front of Leah. I know Leah and her are still friends, but it puts me on an edge I can't help.

I'm trying not to look to much into it though.

Obviously we discussed other things, the whole evening didn't revolve around Jordan Nobb head. I opened up abit more about rehab and what I got up to, she really wants me to sing her the songs I wrote but I can't bring myself to do it...not yet—she doesn't know that half of them are about her. She told me what she did, or rather didn't do in the time I was away. It would be a lie to say the guilt didn't slightly consume me, she did nothing really almost like for the first 6 months, she withdrew from anything outside of training. I didn't want that for her, she should have lived.

Oh, and...we spoke about that therapist. I will be keeping a keen eye on her that much is for sure. No promises she will still have all of her teeth if she carries on her employment at Arsenal...

After the initials where out of the way, I had a good evening. Leah went through all the things I'm meant to be doing in my recovery (Which I haven't really done). She massaged my back and ribs and then we cuddled on the sofa sharing little kisses every so often and watched some crappy tv, laughing and taking rubbish. It was nice.

—

"Leah didn't stay last night then?"

My head spins to see Beth entering the kitchen with a shit eating grin, after stating the obvious. I'm just surprised she up at 7 on a non-training day.