HOMOEROTISM

Seeing Right Through Me

Jonathan

I fast walk through the hallway once I enter the building. I was trying my best to avoid everyone because I didn't want anybody to notice me.

I was afraid that there could be a slight chance that Billy told most of my classmates that I had a secret crush on Farkle.

Which was one of the main reasons why I was so anxious last night that I barely got some sleep.

I was at my locker getting my books out completely oblivious to the millions of kids walking past me.

That's when someone leaned against the locker beside mine, his attention immersed into me.

Hey, pretty boy.

I glanced over at the person next to me, but only to see that it was Farkle.

Just locking eyes with him caused me to jump a little as I slammed my locker in a swift movement.

H-hey Farkle, what's up? I asked awkwardly.

I feel so stupid right now for acting like this

Not much, you? Still want to know why you left the lunch table yesterday without giving me and my friends an explanation?

Farkle questioned, leaning against the locker as he crossed his arms.

There's not much to tell. I replied, giving him a fake smile.

I started walking away from him.

I didn't want anyone to see me with him.

I was afraid that once they did, they'd tell the whole school that I'm in love with Farkle, and then my life will be over.

Of course, there's something to tell! Farkle retorted as he fast walked over to me.

There is so much tell. I need an explanation on what happened yesterday.

I tried my best to ignore him as he went on asking question per question.

Losing my patience, I stopped on my tracks and turned to look at him completely annoyed.

Would you just shut the fuck up! Nothing happened to me yesterday, I'm completely fine.

Stop worrying about me, ok! You barely even know me.

What does that have to do with me worrying about you.

I worry about you because you're my friend.

His tone was filled with care and kindness.

Yeah, well, keep saying that. I laughed incredulously.

What does that suppose to mean? Farkle questioned, looking puzzled.

I was at the point of responding him until I noticed Billy standing behind Farkle from a long distance.

He was grinning at me mischievously. Sarcastic even.

That's when I began to immerse into my anxiety once again.

I knew if I didn't get away from Farkle, he'd tell the whole school what he saw at the locker room, and I was not about to let him turn my life into a living hell.

Is everything ok, Johnathan?

My attention went back to Farkle as I noticed how concerned he was.

I_ I have to go... I stammered quickly as I walked past him and fast walked into the classroom before Billy could even think about taking action.

I just had to get away from Farkle, I just had to.

What would have happened if I stayed with him longer.

I am sure that Billy would have taken that chance to humilate me in front of the whole school.

I'm just relieved that I walked away from the situation even though deep down inside, I just know for a fact that at any point, Billy could spill the beans.

Which is why I'm sitting here in the classroom biting my nails as I let the anxiety kick in harder.

I just hate the fact that I can't give Farkle an explanation as to why I was so worried yesterday.

Because that explanation could tear our friendship apart.

Little does Farkle know that I don't even know how long I can keep going keeping this embarrassing unexplainable secret from him.

How to tell him that I'm ridiculously in love with him without making myself look stupid.

Farkle

I worry about you because you're my friend. He said his tone was filled with care and kindness.

Yeah, well, keep saying that.

Johnny's words played in my head over and over again as I tried to figure out what he meant.

Why would he just laugh it off like that.

All I'm trying to do is help him, and he is doing so little on putting his part into the situation by avoiding the topic.

What could possibly be going on with Johnathan.

Why is he acting so awkward around me?

Could he be...

No, he can't be. That's ridiculous.

Why would I even stop to think for a second that he'd have a crush on me.

Although as stupid as it sounds, that could probably be the case.

Or maybe somebody is bullying him, and he doesn't want to drag me into it.

Why am I even thinking about all this.

I'm sure it's just because I'm extremely worried about him.

But, if him having a crush on me really is the case.

I need to find a way to make him say the words without showing me any mercy.

Little does he know that I secretly am starting to like him too.