HOMOEROTISM

Party planning at Lucas's House

Farkle

After getting my lunch, I looked around to find my table with Riely, Maya, and Lucas.

That's when I noticed Johnathan walking over to them with a dazed look on his face.

Why does he look so thoughtful? Could he have gone through something in the locker room?

I didn't waste another minute. I walked over to my table where my friends were at and sat next to Johnathan.

What's going on, Rosenfeld? You look like someone just pulled a prank on you or something. I teased.

Johnathan let out a fake laugh and looked away from me.

Hey, you ok? Did something happen in the locker room? I asked.

No, of course not. It's nothing. Don't worry about it. Johnathan said as he looked away as he started playing around with his hair.

So Farkle, I've been telling the girls that there is going to be a party at my place this Friday.

Lucas stated with enthusiasm. How exciting. Johnathan said, giving us an unreadable look.

I really couldn't tell if he was sad or upset. But he was acting really weird.

Hey man, you ok? Lucas asked. Yeah, I'm ok. I'm just tired. Johnathan said before drinking his carton of milk.

I know that Johnathan is saying that, so we won't have to worry about him, but trust me, I know he's not ok.

I see it all over his face. He's not ok. Something is definitely running through his mind that is making him feel overwhelmed.

The fact that the anxiety is all over his expression is how I know. He definitely doesn't mean it when he says he's ok.

I wonder what he might be thinking?

Johnathan, if there is something bothering you, you can just tell us you're not alone. Lucus chimed in.

Will you guys just leave me alone! Johnathan retorted loudly as he got up in a quick movement before leaving the table.

You're still invited to the party if you want to come with! Lucus hollered.

Jonathan

I ignored Lucus as I fighted back tears as I made my way out of the cafeteria.

I've never felt so humiliated in my life.

I just had to leave the table from then and there.

I don't want them to see me cry. Especially Farkle.

What is happening to me? What am I feeling? Why am I falling in love with another boy?

I can't be gay. If my parents ever find out who knows what they will do to me. That really got me thinking deeply now that I mentioned them.

What will they think of me if they ever find out?

I'm just going to cross my fingers they don't see right through me.

Because what would I do if they ever found out. What would I do if Farkle finds out.

I walked the whole block down after school thinking about Farkle.

I hate it how he just crosses my mind without warning. It's almost like he's haunting me.

I opened the door and went to sit down at the table.

Hey Johnathan, you're just in time for dinner. Mom said as she came to sit down.

I looked down at my food, my mind thoughtful.

I was so lost thinking about what it would be like to feel Farkle's lips against mine.

As embarrassed as I am to say this, I can't stop. I was so deep in thought that I didn't even realize that dad was calling out to me. 

Hey, Johnathan? Dad said as he grabbed my shoulder. I fliched as I came back to the real world.

Are you ok? Dad asked, looking concerned. Yeah, I'm fine. I reassured him.

I really couldn't relax at the table. knowing that they were in my presence. I have to get away from them, we'll at least for now.

Because the fact that they are right here while I'm thinking nonstop about Farkle is really getting on my nerves.

I decided to leave the table before they could even ask me anything.

Actually, I have a lot of homework to do so... you guys enjoy your dinner. I lied as I got up from the table and pushed my chair in. But you haven't even touched your food. Dad stated.

Johnathan, what is going on with you? Mom asked, sounding concerned.

Nothing, nothing is going on with me. I'm just tired. I said before fast walking over to the stairs as I climbed quickly.

I could see from the corner of my eye that Dad was giving me a suspicious look.

I looked away and went straight to my room as I slammed the door. I threw myself on the bed as I looked up at the ceiling as Farkle crossed my mind once more.

I grabbed my pillow from behind and buried my face into it as I let out a frustrating sigh.

Why is he always on my mind. I literally have never felt this before with anyone.

I had never actually been attracted to anyone until I met Farkle. What is that boy doing to me.

I feel like I'm losing my mind over here knowing that he's going to keep haunting my thoughts like this.

The thought of my desire to kiss him came back into my mind without warning.

Oh my... why am I thinking this. I shouldn't be thinking about this. He's my best friend for crying out loud.

And that's what sucks for me. Because I don't want us to be friends. I want us to be more than that.